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reminds you that there are scads of

OTHER HUMOR CONTESTS

We dedicate this list of games Losers play to Mary Ann Madden, doyenne of the venerable and now-much-lamented New York Magazine Competition, worthy inspiration for many of these contests.
Ms. Madden, thank you for the giant sea tortoise.



   DAILY:


   WEEKLY:
   MONTHLY:


Inkomium

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Wanted: Game Warden

Immediate opening for Game Warden.

Duties include monitoring the media for 1) contests of interest to creative and ever-competitive Losers, 2) contest results and 3) miscellaneous evidence of Loser achievement and reporting on same in this space. Losernet membership/familiarity with NRARS members preferred but not necessary.

Winning candidate will receive no monetary compensation but will have the honor of association with the finest web publication in all of Loserdom. As a hiring bonus, we'll throw in an unopened box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts we received from a neighbor several years ago.

Gopherdrool.com is an Equal Opportunity Employee Abuser.

Interested? Email: MeMePickMe@gopherdrool.com

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Globe and Mail Results

From Bruce Alter:

Attached to a personal flotation device on the Yarmouth to Portland ferry we find today's Globe and Mail Challenge results. Paul Kocak is a headlner (we all knew that). For the full results, go to http://www.globeandmail.comand enter "clements and challenge" in the Search Site box.

That's CÚzanne, not Suzanne
By WARREN CLEMENTS
Saturday, March 15, 2003
Print Edition, Page D18

The challenge was to suggest ways you can tell it will be a good day. A number of readers said it was a good sign if your name wasn't in the obituaries column.

The winner:
John Rowell, Nelson, B.C.

HMs:
Linda Lumsden, Peterborough, Ont..
Terry Reid, St. Catharines, Ont.
Brenda Weide, Winnipeg
Wayne Gibson, Toronto
Michael Davies, Sydney, Aus.
Marilyn Penner, Winnipeg
Neil Mason, Summerland, B.C.
Martin Sperber, Ward Hill, Mass.
Charles Crockford, Waterloo

Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.:
The auction house calls to tell you that painting in the attic was not by "Suzanne," as first thought, but by CÚzanne.


Chris Hurst, Brandon, Man.
Dick and Sue Waterman, West Vancouver
Peter Marucci, Fergus, Ont.
Michael Rothery, Twin Butte, Alta.
Keith Morrison, Oakville, Ont.
Carol Driben, Thunder Bay
Colin Eyssen, Toronto
Roberta Baird, Toronto
Tom McGuirk, Toronto
Tony Roberts, Victoria

This week's challenge (497): Typographical errors often occur in classified and personal ads. Suggest errors that might have an impact on ads' effectiveness. E.g. Dog Waking Service, Reasonable Rates. Or: SWF, late thirties, seeks youthful man in his fifties, object matrimoney. Thanks to Ron Charach for the idea and examples. Entries to: The Globe Challenge, Editorial Dept., The Globe and Mail, 444 Front St. West, Toronto, Ont. M5V 2S9 (fax: 416-585-5085). E-mail: challenge@globeandmail.ca. Please include name and address. Deadline: noon (Toronto time), March 25. Prize: The Canadian Oxford Compact Dictionary

Saturday, March 08, 2003

Globe and Mail Results

From Bruce Alter:
From the Great White Beyond, Calixa Lavallée sang to me today's results of the Globe and Mail Challenge. All Losers were too busy working on their SI 10th anniversary entries to get Canadian ink this week. For the full results, go to http://www.globeandmail.com and enter "clements and challenge" in the Search Site box.

'Twas brillig
By WARREN CLEMENTS
Saturday, March 8, 2003
Print Edition, Page D18

The challenge was to cite a well-known quotation and imagine what question might have led to it.

The winner:
Ken Purvis, Toronto

Other answer-and-question sessions:
Ron Haggart, Toronto
Gordon Findlay, Toronto
Roberta Baird, Toronto
Brenda Weide, Winnipeg
Jodie Howcroft, Waterdown, Ont.
Dick and Sue Waterman, West Vancouver
Linda Lumsden, Peterborough, Ont.
Christopher Kelk, Toronto
Dewi Williams, Kanata, Ont.
Valerie Spentzos, Comox, B.C.
Peter Marucci, Fergus, Ont.
Tom Wright, Saltspring Island, B.C.
Roger Bourque, Kamloops, B.C.
Terry Reid, St. Catharines, Ont.
Barry Scrimgeour, Cambridge, Ont.
Rick Farquhar, Kincardine, Ont.
Penney Roxborough, Toronto
Alanna Little, Toronto
Nicholas Rice, Toronto

This week's challenge (496): Use a shopworn phrase in a way that nullifies or contradicts its real meaning or intent. E.g. He was putting his money into long-term investments as if there were no tomorrow. Or: He quickly established that the planet he was on could support no life forms. To make matters worse, it was raining cats and dogs. Thanks to Erika Ritter for the idea and examples. Entries to: The Globe Challenge, Editorial Dept., The Globe and Mail, 444 Front St. West, Toronto, Ont. M5V 2S9 (fax: 416-585-5085). E-mail: challenge@globeandmail.ca. Please include name and address. Deadline: noon (Toronto time), March 18. Prize: The Canadian Oxford Compact Dictionary

Friday, March 07, 2003

Opening Day Contest

From Bruce Alter:
Major League Baseball has a contest for the best made-up excuses to miss work for Opening Day 2003. If you win, you get two Opening Day tickets to your favorite team's home opener in 2003.

The Contest runs from February 27, 2003 at 4 p.m. EST until March 24, 2003 at 11:59 p.m. EST

Globe and Mail Results

From Bruce Alter:
Food inspected by Sneezy
By: WARREN CLEMENTS
Saturday, March 1, 2003
Page D18

The challenge was to suggest well-known groups or individuals, real or fictional, who might not be ideally suited to certain positions. Several readers suggested George W. Bush as president of the United States. Many others proposed Jean Chrétien as a professor of English or French, put Henry VIII in charge of marriage counselling or nominated Hitler, Jack the Ripper and Osama bin Laden as foxes in charge of various henhouses. Where there were duplicates, I flipped a coin.

The winner:
Cherry Watson, Waterloo

Other bad matches:
David Strong, Montreal
Jon David Welland, Dartmouth, N.S..
Hugh Sandler, Thornhill, Ont.
Fred Moyes, Hamilton
Gordon Findlay, Toronto
Tom Wright, Saltspring Island, B.C.

John O'Byrne, Dublin:
Salvador Dali as a banknote designer. King Lear as a pensions adviser.


Maureen Korman, White Rock, B.C.
Colin Eyssen, Toronto
Linda and William Bukovy, Thunder Bay
Michael Davies, Sydney, Australia
Charles Crockford, Waterloo
Max MacLeod, Halifax
Frank H. Gough, Qualicum Beach, B..C.
Jerry Apanasowicz and Pauline Hewak, Hamilton
Helen Turner, Orillia, Ont.
Ken Purvis, Toronto
Marilyn Penner, Winnipeg
Barrie Collins, Courtenay, B.C.
Laure Paquette, Thunder Bay
Alanna Little, Toronto
Peter Choi, Hamilton
Melanie Groepper, Hornby Island, B.C.

This week's challenge (495): How can you tell it's going to be a good day? Suggest possibilities. E.g. You recognize the policeman who just stopped you for speeding as a tenant in the building you own. Thanks to Gordon Findlay for the idea and example. Entries to: The Globe Challenge, Editorial Dept., The Globe and Mail, 444 Front St. West, Toronto, Ont. M5V 2S9 (fax: 416- 585-5085). E-mail: challenge@globeandmail.ca Please include name and address. Deadline: noon (Toronto time), March 11. Prize: The Canadian Oxford Compact Dictionary.




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