There's still plenty of room for attendees at the Czarty! Please forward this to anyone you know of who should get it who may not have seen it. Also, please please please do not bring your payment to the Czarty itself. Send it ahead. (This does not apply to a certain someone who might be coming to the Czarty from a different country. He can bring it with him.) I'm certain I will lose things that are given to me at the party and we wouldn't want that, would we?
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Plans for the Czarty are hurtling ahead. I have put together a FAQ to let you know some specifics.
Q: When is the Czarty?
A: Saturday, March 27, 2004. 6:30 PM to ? (Whenever. There's no official closing time.) The Czar has been told to arrive around 7:00 PM. We would like to greet him en masse.
Q: Where is the Czarty being held?
A: At my (Sarah Gaymon's) house in Gambrills, MD. It's about 25 miles east of the Capitol building and out in the middle of nowhere. Ample free parking is available. Directions will be provided closer to the Czarty, since if I provide them now, you'll all lose them and just need them again anyway. I've been around Losers a long time, and I've learned.
Q: I don't have a car. How do I get there?
A: Mike Connaghan is coordinating ride-sharing for the Czarty. He has put specific instructions into a losernet email that I forward to non-losernetters who say they are coming to the Czarty. If you have lost that email you can find it again on losernet or you can let me know and I will forward it to you again.
Q: Will there be entertainment?
A: Does Ruth Ann Aron have bad hair? Of course there will be entertainment! The Entertainment Czarrow is Dave Zarrow, America's Funniest Office Products Dealer. You should direct suggestions and inquiries regarding entertainment, presentations, etc. to him at DAZarrow@aol.com.
Q: Who can come to the Czarty?
A: Losers, their keepers (spouses, family, friends, court-appointed monitors, etc.) and pretty much anyone else with $30 and a desire to meet the Czar.
Q: $30? Do I need to pay to come to the Czarty?
A: Yes, indeedy. Out of the goodness of my own heart and pocketbook, I will be donating all the wine and beer for the Czarty, but I am depending on Loserdom to foot the bill for the rest. The price is $30 per person, which will include lavish amounts of fabulous food (see below for menu - nobody will leave hungry) and drink, staff, tax, tips, china, tablecloths, etc.
Your $30 per person will also help cover the tab for the Czar and his lovely wife (if she chooses to come with him) and a special Czarty gift/souvenir for each attendee. (Did I mention the free parking?) Hey, we've been wanting to meet this guy for 10 years. It's worth it.
(Early receipt would be greatly appreciated, since I have given the caterers a $1000 deposit and will need to pay the rest and tip the staff on the day of the party.)
MENU (subject to some adjustment)
Fruits, cheeses, vegetable crudites with several types of dipping sauces
Maryland crab cakes
Spring roll station (assembled on site)
Baron of beef carving station with horseradish sauce and jus
Desserts and Beverages:
Dessert display (a variety of goodies)
(As I noted before, beer and wine will be supplied to the Czarty by gift.)
Q: What should I wear?
A:(for men) Clothes. Hahahahahahahaha.
A:(for women) I haven't decided what to wear yet. What are you wearing?
Q: Are there any important rules I should know?
A: I already told the Czar that I have banned large coolers of Gatorade. And it would be nice if everyone could refrain from snipping bits of hair, clothing or flesh off the Czar as souvenirs. Otherwise, there aren't many rules aside from the regular ones: Absolutely no explosives allowed. No dark-soled shoes on the tennis court. Use a coaster, dammit.
Q: I'm coming in from out of town. Are there any hotels convenient to the Czarty?
A: There are 3 motels fairly close. So far only a few people have said they need a hotel room, so I didn't try to get a special rate.
Comfort Inn and Conference Center
www.comfortinn.com (search for Bowie, MD)
"Internet User's" rate appears to be $91 or so - significantly better than other special rates for the hotel. I heard somewhere that they give you a free continental breakfast. The Comfort Inn would be my choice of where to stay.
www.hamptoninn.com (search for inns in Bowie, Md.)
probable rate around $90
The Hampton Inn is only a few years old. Comfort Inn sends their overflow there. It is next to a big movie theater and when several movies let out at once it can take up to 20 minutes to get out of the parking lot.
Rip's Country Inn
Rip's is an older motel conveniently sited near both Lowe's and Home Depot and next to the Chick-Fil-A. It has an on-site liquor store. I've never seen a room and I've never known anyone who stayed there. (I've eaten at the restaurant, which is perfectly fine.) Yahoo Travel says rooms cost around $50-$52. I have no idea about the quality or the cleanliness of the rooms.
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