Following are some of the Frantic and Anguished Queries (FAQs) we here at The Losernet Technical Support Lukewarmline have fielded:
FAQ #1: "What is Losernet? Some kind of nose hair spray?" FAQ #2: "Sounds like a stone groove. How do I join?" FAQ #3: "So how do I send an e-mail to everyLoser?" FAQ #4: "How do I send an e-mail to just one Loser on the list?" FAQ #5: "I don't want my inbox cluttered up with Losernet e-mail and neither does my boss. What was that thing about viewing messages on the web instead?" FAQ #6: "Can I send and reply to messages on the web also?" FAQ #7: "What's the difference between the Losernet web site and that www.gopherdrool.com thing?" FAQ #8: "My company changed names again and when I tried sending a message to Losernet from my new e-mail address, it bounced. Waaaaaah! Don't you love me anymore?" FAQ #9: "Ok, ok, I get it already. So how DO I register my additional e-mail addresses?" FAQ #10: "I forgot my eGroups password--what should I do? Reboot?" FAQ #11: "I'm having trouble reading Losernet mail. And yes, smartass, I am literate. I'm talking serious technical difficulties here! Will you make a house call to fix it for me? In the middle of the night? What's your home phone number?" FAQ #12: "I'm in charge of [insert LoserEvent name here]. How do I put the information on that calendar thingy and get it to send an automatic nagging reminder to everyLoser?" FAQ #13: "How do I use the Chat feature?" FAQ #14: "How do I upload a file or add a link?" FAQ #15: "I'm going to Vietnam for a month and believe it or not I won't have access to e-mail. What do I do?" FAQ #16: "I lied. I'm not going to Vietnam at all. Fact is, I have suddenly acquired a life and don't want to read Losernet mail at all anymore. Ever."
FOR MORE INFO: Consult eGroups' Help Center at www.egroups.com/help/index.html
- FAQ #1: "What is Losernet? Some kind of nose hair spray?"
- Losernet is an e-mail list that replaces the old-fangled, lengthy list of out-of-date Loser e-mail addresses that you had to copy from one message to another and someLoser always got left out. With Losernet, you only have to remember ONE e-mail address: losernet@eGroups.com. EveryLoser who has subscribed to Losernet will receive a copy of your message.
You can view Losernet messages in your choice of
- your e-mail inbox as individual messages
- your e-mail inbox as a daily, all-in-one-message digest, or
- on the web at www.egroups.com/group/losernet
How much would you pay? Before you answer, here's what else you get by joining Losernet:
- A calendar of LoserEvents, complete with nagging reminders
- A private, Losernet-members-only chat room
- Link and File sharing (favorite web sites, photos, sound files, trivia quizzes, you name it)
- FAQ #2: "Sounds like a stone groove. How do I join?"
- Send an e-mail message to email@example.com that contains your FIRST AND LAST NAME and the Week Number of the last Style Invitational contest that you entered (whether any of your entries got printed or not). The list moderators will evaluate your request and may ask you for further information to ensure that you are clear on who we are and we are clear on who you are.
NOTE: Losernet is NOT approved for all audiences. We reserve the right to refuse subscribe requests from anyone who seems unclear on the whole Loser/NRARS concept. Hey, it's for your own good, really. Trust us: you'd thank us later if you knew what we were saving you from.
Once your subscribe request has been approved, you will receive a highly personal automated greeting and you will be able to post messages to the group.
Current Losernet members may recommend their friends, family members, private brain care specialists and/or parole officers for Losernet membership by e-mailing firstname.lastname@example.org with the person's name, e-mail address and a brief explanation of who they are and why in the world they want to join.
- FAQ #3: "So how do I send an e-mail to everyLoser?"
- Did we stutter? Address your message to: losernet@eGroups.com. That's all. No muss, no fuss. Right, Russ?
You didn't ask but we'll tell you anyway: when replying to Losernet messages, clicking your e-mail program's "Reply" button sends your reply to the sender ONLY. Clicking "Reply to All" sends your reply to the entire group. Be sure to choose wisely.
Oh, and one more thing: If you use the "Reply to All" method, the resulting TO: line will show both the Losernet group address (email@example.com) AND the address of the Loser who sent the message you are replying to (we really wish eGroups would change this). If you do not remove the individual Loser's address, he/she/it will receive your reply twice.
- FAQ #4: "How do I send an e-mail to just one Loser on the list?"
- Two ways to do this:
- Open an e-mail message sent by the Loser you wish to send a private e-mail to then use your e-mail program's Reply button (or equivalent thereof). Remember: if you select the "Reply to All" option, your reply will be sent to everyLoser on Losernet.
- Sign in at www.egroups.com (see FAQ #5), click on the Losernet link, then at the main Losernet screen click on Members. You will see a list of truncated e-mail addresses for all registered Losernet members. This may be kind of tricky, since the person's identity may not be readily apparent from what little of their address you can see, but them's the breaks. Click on the e-mail address you want, this will take you to that person's eGroups profile (NOT to be confused with the Behind the Mucus profiles on www.gopherdrool.com. Totally different head. Totally. See FAQ #7). From there, just click on their e-mail address link (which will still appear truncated) and a compose message window appears. Type your message then click Send.
- FAQ #5: "I don't want my inbox cluttered up with Losernet e-mail and neither does my boss. What was that thing about viewing messages on the web instead?"
- Losernet messages are archived on our own private corner of the web. (NOT to be confused with www.gopherdrool.com -- that's a different, more public, corner of the web, see FAQ #7). To view Losernet messages on the web you must 1) be a Losernet subscriber and 2) be registered with the eGroups service. Yes, there is a difference between the two. See FAQ #2 for meeting criterion #1 (subscribing to Losernet), follow these steps to meet criterion #2 (registering with eGroups):
To set your reading option to "web only" or "daily digest":
- Go to www.egroups.com
- Click on the "sign-up today for free" link
- Provide the complete e-mail address that you intend to send Losernet mail from, complete the rest of the form, peruse the eGroups Terms of Service Agreement then click on I Accept, Continue (click Cancel if you don't agree, but if you do that you can't use the eGroups interface, you rebel without a clause, you).
- A short while later you will receive a confirmation e-mail from eGroups with further instructions. YOU MUST REPLY TO THAT E-MAIL TO ACTIVATE YOUR E-GROUPS ACCOUNT.
Sign in at www.egroups.com/mygroups, and select "No Mail/Web Only" under Delivery Options then click Save changes. You will now have to sign in at www.egroups.com/group/losernet to read Losernet messages. If your web access is restricted you can select "Daily Digest" and you will receive all the day's Losernet messages in a single e-mail in your inbox once a day.
No more cluttered inbox yet you can still enjoy the pearls of wisdom posted by your fellow Losers! A wiener-wiener situation!
- FAQ #6: "Can I send and reply to messages on the web also?"
- Does a Catholic bear wear red suspenders?
You can send or read Losernet messages on the web even if your delivery option is set for "Individual E-mails" or "Daily Digest"; likewise you can send messages to Losernet from your e-mail program even if you have your delivery option set for "No Mail/Web Only".
Sign in at www.egroups.com (see FAQ #5 for registration instructions), click on the Losernet link, then use the handy-dandy navigation links located on the left side of the screen. To wit:
- To reply to an existing message: click the Messages link, locate and click on the message you want to reply to then click the Reply link. A compose message window appears. At the "To:" line there is a drop-down box where you can specify if just the sender or the entire Losernet membership will receive your reply.
- To create a new message: click on the Post link. A compose message window appears, already addressed to Losernet and everything. Type your subject line and message in the appropriate areas then click on Send Message.
- FAQ #7: "What's the difference between the Losernet web site and that www.gopherdrool.com thing?"
- This is confusing to many Losers. Let's see if we can set the record straight:
- www.egroups.com/group/losernet is a section of the eGroups corporate site. This is a PRIVATE site: you MUST be subscribed to Losernet AND registered with the eGroups service to view items here, see FAQ #5. It is strictly for communication amongst Losers: read and send Losernet e-mail, change your delivery options, add and view LoserEvents, join a chat session in our private chat room and upload or view shared files. The Links section contains URLs added by Losernet members but does not necessarily contain the same links found in Links Losers Like or anywhere else on www.gopherdrool.com.
- www.gopherdrool.com is the official web site of the Not Ready For The Algonquin Roundtable Society; it is maintained by our own beloved, beleaguered Web Dominatrix. This is a PUBLIC site: ANYONE in the wide world with world wide web access can view it and any of itz sub-pages. Here you can find out scads of stuff about the Losers, their favorite contests and activities, read self-penned and sometimes-factual Loser profiles, sing along with the Dueling Losers Band, learn who won past Style Invitational contests with what hilarious entry and for what crappy prize, revisit Ears of days gone by, and click on links to other sites favored by Losers.
To give an example of Public vs. Private, let's say that this month's brunch is being held at Jennifer's house. The Brunch Info page on the public site, www.gopherdrool.com, will have date, time and food-bringing instructions but under Location it will say simply "House of Pain" and under Directions it will say "available on Losernet". This means that to view the street address and driving directions you would have to be a previously-approved Losernet member.
And, no, the two sites can't be combined. That's just the way it is. Live with it.
- FAQ #8: "My company changed names again and when I tried sending a message to Losernet from my new e-mail address, it bounced. Waaaaaah! Don't you love me anymore?"
- Don't be silly. How can we say we don't love you anymore if we never loved you in the first place? Now dry your tears, blow your nose and listen up: you may send messages to Losernet using only the e-mail address(es) that you have registered with eGroups. Don't look at us with that hurt puppydog expression; itz eGroups' policy, not ours and itz to prevent spamming, not to make your life a misery.
Time was when messages from unregistered e-mail addresses were automatically forwarded to the list moderators for approval and we would sometimes take the liberty of subscribing those new addresses, especially for repeat offenders, because frankly it was a pain in our tushie to keep reminding them that they had to register any e-mail address they wanted to send from. Hey, we may not have much of a life, but we don't spend every hour of every day monitoring Losernet, so we are relieved to report that eGroups has changed this procedure; messages from unregistered e-mail addresses are now automatically returned to the sender with an explanation and registration instructions. Bless them.
Avoid rejection: register all of your e-mail addresses.
- FAQ #9: "Ok, ok, I get it already. So how DO I register my additional e-mail addresses?"
- You can do this two ways:
- Send a subscribe request from each e-mail address you wish to add, as per FAQ #2. NOTE: To avoid getting a copy of every Losernet message in each inbox, set some or all of the additional accounts to "No Mail/Web Only", as per FAQ #5.
- Specify alternate e-mail address(es) in your eGroups profile. (You have to be registered with the eGroups service to do this. See FAQ #5) After completing the following steps, you will be able to send messages to Losernet using your alternate e-mail address(es).
- Sign in at www.egroups.com/myprofile
- click the "Edit Profile" button
- type your alternate e-mail address(es) in the area labeled "Alternate e-mail addresses" (you'll have to scroll down a ways to get there)
- click the "Save Changes" button
- wait approximately 10 minutes for the change to take effect (you do NOT have to remain logged on to egroups while U wait)
- FAQ #10: "I forgot my eGroups password--what should I do? Reboot?"
- Yes. Reboot. At least twice. Then go to www.egroups.com/mygroups and click on the "Forgot password?" link. You will be guided from there and should have your password e-mailed to you within a few minutes.
NOTE: The list owner and moderators do NOT know what your eGroups password is and they cannot change your password for you, so don't even ask.
- FAQ #11: "I'm having trouble reading Losernet mail. And yes, smartass, I am literate. I'm talking serious technical difficulties here! Will you make a house call to fix it for me? In the middle of the night? What's your home phone number?"
- Don't make us laugh, a-hah, a-hah, a-hah.
Seriously, if you experience technical troubles such as -- but not limited to -- your computer's freezing up when you view Losernet mail or the eGroups-generated ads that accompany each message cause you problems, or if you experience significant delays in sending or receiving Losernet mail, notify eGroups directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. Feel free to copy the list owner, list moderators, other Losers and your mommy on your message so we can feel sorry for you, but asking us to troubleshoot or relay your complaint to eGroups will only delay things, especially if you whine at us in front of the whole group. It's not that we don't care; it's just that all we did to become the Losernet list owner was fill in a form online. The 12-year-olds at eGroups hold all the technical healing power.
If flames are coming out of your computer, call 911 then call us so we can come watch. We will bring our own marshmallows.
- FAQ #12: "I'm in charge of [insert LoserEvent name here]. How do I put the information on that calendar thingy and get it to send an automatic nagging reminder to everyLoser?"
- We're so glad you asked that. We appreciate it when others show initiative! To add or view LoserEvents on the eGroups calendar thingy, you must be registered with the eGroups service. See FAQ #5.
To add a LoserEvent and set an e-mail reminder:
- Sign in at www.egroups.com and click on the Losernet link.
- At the main Losernet screen, click on Calendar
- Click the Add Event link at the top of the Day, Week, or Month view of the group Calendar. Or, if you are viewing by day, click any hour to add an item to the calendar. Enter the time, date, description, directions, reminder dates and whatnot for your LoserEvent and click Save.
To view LoserEvent details, just follow steps 1 and 2 above to locate the LoserEvent then click its title.
- FAQ #13: "How do I use the Chat feature?"
- This feature isn't widely used, but when it is it is a hoot and a half. Itz just like being at a brunch only you don't have to drive dozens of miles to get there and (even better) you can trade one-liners with other Losers without having to actually look at them. You must be registered with the eGroups service to use the Chat feature. See FAQ #5 for registration instructions.
- Sign in at www.egroups.com and click on the Losernet link.
- At the main Losernet screen, click on Chat
- After a few moments (be patient), the Chat applet loads. You can see who else is in the chat room, send private messages, etc.
- To quit Chat, select another navigation link from the left hand side of the screen or click on Sign Out to exit eGroups.
- FAQ #14: "How do I upload a file or add a link?"
- You must be registered with the eGroups service to add or view files or links. See FAQ #5 for registration instructions.
To upload a file:
To add a link:
- Sign in at www.egroups.com and click on the Losernet link.
- At the main Losernet screen, click on Files
- Browse through any folders until you find the right place to upload the file. Click Add File.
- Type the path name or use the Browse button to find the file on your computer. NOTE: You must know the location of the file on your computer to upload.
- Type in a description for the file.
- Click the Upload File button. NOTE: File upload only works with Netscape Navigator or Microsoft Internet Explorer, version 3.0 or higher. If you use MSIE v3.0, you will need to download a special software patch from Microsoft.
- Sign in at www.egroups.com and click on the Losernet link.
- At the main Losernet screen, click on Links
- Browse through any folders until you find the right place to add your link. Click Add link.
- Type the URL for the site you wish to share with other Losernet members. (The "http://" part is already there.)
- Type in a description of the site.
- Click the Add Link button.
Here are your options. (Hint: Option B is highly recommended)
- FAQ #15: "I'm going to Vietnam for a month and believe it or not I won't have access to e-mail. What do I do?"
- do nothing and read a month's worth of Losernet messages when you get back,
- change your delivery option from "Individual E-mails" to "No Mail/Web Only" as per FAQ #5 then switch back to "Individual E-mails" upon your return, (with this method you can drop us all a line if you stumble across an Internet cafe in Saigon), or
- unsubscribe completely from Losernet by sending a BLANK message to email@example.com. DO NOT expect to be re-subscribed automatically upon your return, even if you indicated your return date when you sent the unsubscribe e-mail (what part of BLANK did you not understand?) You must re-subscribe by following the procedure outlined in FAQ #2, but only if you bring each of the list moderators a present.
- FAQ #16: "I lied. I'm not going to Vietnam at all. Fact is, I have suddenly acquired a life and don't want to read Losernet mail at all anymore. Ever."
- Unsubscribe as per FAQ #15, option C. Just don't re-subscribe. Duh!
* Denotes external link. By following it you will be leaving www.gopherdrool.com. Let's be careful out there.