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                        TOPFIVE.COM (not)         
                   From the heart of our bottom
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                          March 9, 2002


              The Top 16 Movies About Hospital Stays


16> All About the Bedpans

15> The Inedible Lightness of Jell-O

14> Scar Wars

13> Catheter the Great

12> Many Pop-Ins

11> Dr. Strangesuds or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying 
    and Love a Sponge Bath

10> Barium Lyndon

 9> Six Days and Seven Nights: $25,200

 8> The Wizard of HMOz

 7> Awakenings (2am, 4am, 6am...)

 6> What Lies Beneath This Bandage

 5> The Man Who Knew Too Much About My Stool

 4> Interview with the Phlebotomist

 3> Gown with the Wind

 2> Four Wettings and a Fybogel


          and the Number 1 Movie About Hospital Stays...


 1> Dude, Where's My Dignity?




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                         "Short-Sheeted"
           The Runners Up submissions for today's list
                   come later in this message.
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Selected from 71 submissions from 19 contributors.
Today's Get Well List authors are:
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James Knowles, Bellingham, WA        -- 1
Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL       -- 2
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI        -- 3, 12
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL             -- 4
Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA             -- 5
Andrea Crain, Madison, WI            -- 6
Liz Black, Misawa City, Japan        -- 7, 14
Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA             -- 8
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX              -- 9
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL             -- 10, 11, 15 (Triple bypass!)
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY        -- 13
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX               -- 16
Charles Schnabel, Shaker Heights, OH -- Banner Tag
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA    -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA           -- Topic, Loving Daughter
Humble Pie, London, England          -- Ambience

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                   Movies About Hospital Stays
                RUNNERS UP list  --  Short-Sheeted
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Antiseptic Jones and the Temple of Staphylococcus
          (Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH)

Bedpans and Room Stinks
          (Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA)

Ben-Hurry-Up-And-Get-Better
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA )

Breakfast on TV Trays
          (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)

Casabronchial
          (Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH)

Catch 22 Opportunistic Infections
          (Kevin Black, Misawa City, Japan)

Crouching Night Nurse, Hidden Surgeon
          (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)

Deep Impaction
          (Kevin Black, Misawa City, Japan)

Double feature: Gown Wide Open/A Beautiful Hind
          (Chris White, Los Angeles, CA)

Enema Mine
          (Kevin Black, Misawa City, Japan)

Harry Potty and the Freezing Commode
          (Andrea Crain, Madison, WI)

I.V. Given Sunday
          (Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)

Lawrence of Anesthesia
          (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)

Lord of the Rubber Rings
          (Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)

O Doctor, Where Art Thou
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA )
          (Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ)

Old Jell-er
          (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)

Peeing There
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

The Stent Man
          (Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA)


Runner Up list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)


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