Sun Apr 22 12:45:47 2001 Submitting Host: 66.44.68.103 Loser: E_MAIL: NEW_USED: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat May 5 22:50:13 2001 Submitting Host: 64.12.105.49 Loser: Judith E. Cottrill E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Rip Torn or Juliette Lewis, whichever one is in town. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat May 5 23:01:13 2001 Submitting Host: 64.12.105.49 Loser: Judith E. Cottrill E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Rip Torn or Juliette Lewis, whichever one is in town. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun May 20 16:26:52 2001 Submitting Host: 208.219.109.238 Loser: Pat Alder E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: prettyfunnylady@hotmail.com MYWEB: http://funnyladypatalder.homestead.com/patalder1.html Family_Unit: Day_Job: Stand up Comedian (and cute, perky, Kelly Girl) SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Jun 12 12:27:39 2001 Submitting Host: 65.105.133.7 Loser: Brian Foster E_MAIL: NEW_USED: Home_Town: Fairfax, Virginia E_mail: fosterbr@hotmail.com MYWEB: Family_Unit: Lovely wife Susan, a once and future elementary school teacher. The first item in the L'il Foster Collection is due to arrive in mid-August 2001; the ultrasound lady says it will be a girl. We also offer shelter to two feline expatriate nationals seeking asylum from the federal government-- Simbus Tiberius, a gray and white tabby approximately six years old and weighing approximately 17 pounds, and Berlioz McCoy, a black shorthair approximately four years old and weighing approximately 12 pounds. (Yes, those are Disney first names [although Berlioz is also named for the composer] and Star Trek middle names.) Day_Job: I assist corporations, associations and Republicans in their quest to rape the environment, oppress poor people, give everybody guns and turn the entire earth into one big shopping center. SI_Debut_Week: LXV Movie: Tom Cruise for the lean years, Dan Aykroyd for the portly years. Or, that guy who played Freddie Prinze Jr.'s friend in "Down to You"-- you know, the one who had a part in a porno flick and suddenly fancied himself Laurence Olivier. He could play me. Actually, if Laurence Olivier had ever made a porno flick, he could have played me too. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: I respectfully decline to describe the above accomplishments in detail, as doing so would preclude me from describing my finest SI hour to date, since I have just one SI hour to date, which therefore must be my finest. Thank you. Finest_SI_Hour: Actually winning the SI the very first time I entered. Granted, it was the refrigerator magnet poetry contest, which from Losernet and elsewhere I have gathered was not a popular contest... and judged by the Aux to boot. In retrospect, I think I was fated to win that contest regardless of whether I actually sent in a decent entry. The prize was an inflatable California raisin, and I absolutely abhor the California Raisins. In the mid-80s when they were on TV all the time, I was a rising saxophonist in my junior high, and family and friends alike loved to identify me with the saxophone-playing raisin. I had a Raisin bank, a Raisin t-shirt, a Raisin beach towel, a Raisin porcelain figurine (thanks Mom), all of them playing a sax. I still have psychological damage over this association to this very day, as evidenced by this long and unfunny passage. (Thankfully, the inflatable Raisin I won does not have a saxophone.) What_Else: From my official bio: Mr. Foster is one of the 21st century's leading BS artists and has been consistently making up pointless, ridiculous crap for over 27 years. From his humble beginnings as a street urchin who bore a striking resemblance to the hypothetical offpsring of Tom Mix and Princess Diana, through his daring preteen years as a stunt tester for Huffy Bicycles, on through his high-school years as a sideman in the Duke Ellington Review, Mr. Foster has found time to author no fewer than 37 books, mostly science fiction novels and treatises of post-modern political philosophy, as well as patent a new strain of genetically modified bamboo seed. When not busy reverse-engineering technological marvels from the wreckage of the alien spacecraft in Roswell, New Mexico, Mr. Foster pursues his outside interests of calligraphy, philately, tantra, candy-apple making, wilderness survival, film criticism, music composition, foreign espionage, and Scrabble. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Wed Jun 20 15:50:10 2001 Submitting Host: 63.215.154.26 Loser: Mark Eckenwiler E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: iota@eckenwiler.org MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Jul 31 13:10:09 2001 Submitting Host: 63.141.239.141 Loser: Elden Carnahan E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Married to the former Miss Mary Taylor, of the Waycross/Woodsville Taylors, since 1974. Our kids are April, 22, a new Georgetown graduate, and Erin, 19, a sophomore at Virginia Tech. Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Aug 13 12:36:46 2001 Submitting Host: 198.181.231.37 Loser: E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: adfasdfasdf Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Aug 13 16:44:40 2001 Submitting Host: 192.100.21.82 Loser: Mark Young E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: Washington, DC E_mail: mm_young@yahoo.com MYWEB: Family_Unit: My mom, dad, stepmom, sister, and stepsister all reside in a Midwestern state that I will not reveal on the Web, to protect them from the madness that is the Invitational. Day_Job: My boss hates the Invitational, so I'd prefer not to mention. But I do some HTML for them. SI_Debut_Week: LXIX Movie: When I was a kid, they said I looked like Mark Hamill. Now, they say I look like Bill Gates. Take yer pick. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I've only won one Second Runner-Up and three Honorable mentions in two Weeks, but that apparently distinguishes me from all the other Losers whose names begin with 'X' and 'Y'. Finest_SI_Hour: Week LXIX, my first week getting any ink, when one of my entries got a Second Runner-up and another got both an Honorable Mention and the Siberian Express prize in This Weak Week. It's nice when the Czar picks you, but even better when one of your fellow Losers admires your work. What_Else: I'm 24 and from Washington, which puts me in two select groups of Losers already -- non-Baby Boomers and District residents -- but you probably want more, dont'cha? Okay, I'm single. I'm an avid chessplayer, both at D.C.'s Dupont Circle (hmmm, maybe that's why I'm single) and in local tournaments, where I am the 2001 Maryland Amateur Champion. I have an Orange belt in Aikido. bookcorner: 'Meet the Parents' bookcorner_detail: Ben Stiller is an unappreciated genius. PHOTO: PHOTOURL: *** Tue Aug 14 13:38:15 2001 Submitting Host: 192.100.21.82 Loser: Mark Young E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: I'm 24 and living in Washington, which puts me in two select groups of Losers already -- non-Baby Boomers and District residents -- but you probably want more, dont'cha? Okay, I'm single. I'm an avid chessplayer, both at D.C.'s Dupont Circle (hmmm, maybe that's why I'm single) and in local tournaments, where I am the 2001 Maryland Amateur Champion. I have an Orange belt in Aikido. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat Aug 18 15:34:28 2001 Submitting Host: 66.44.56.222 Loser: E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: qrqerqw Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun Aug 19 17:35:07 2001 Submitting Host: 207.172.129.48 Loser: Phyllis Kepner E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: A clone of Doris Day. I'm perky, upbeat and sing all the time...and I love pillow talk. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: Have written columns, features and cover stories for several newspapers in Maryland, and magazines in MD,PA, VT, and nationally. Most fun writing song parodies for charity shows. Finest_SI_Hour: The Czar and I have very different senses of humor, so there's little satisfaction in that. But without a doubt my finest SI hours are spent on Losernet when Peyton and I have a limerick battle going..adding verse upon verse. That's the most fun. What_Else: I like to dunk my grilled cheese sandwiches in hot chocolate,(try it before gagging) and I have been known to lunch on a cup cheese sandwich (visit a Lancaster County market for cup cheese..it looks lke glue, or post nasal drip) and TAB. In otherwords, although I can cook quite well, I have no taste. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat Aug 25 22:44:20 2001 Submitting Host: 66.44.17.83 Loser: Philip Avigan E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: Silver Spring\MD E_mail: pbody14@hotmail.com MYWEB: Family_Unit: suburban rednecks and hillbillies Day_Job: prodigal 10th grade student Night job: prolific and multitalented superpowered supermarket bagger currently unemployed due to horrendous canned peas scandal SI_Debut_Week: to lazy to look up Movie: Gary Coleman or Dustin Hoffman, but not J-LO Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: the first time i was an honorable mention, it was for a joke that didnt make any sense. What was the Czar smoking? After the Czar realized his tremendous folly, he committed himself to never consider my work for publication again (he didnt do a very good job, as I was inked in the honorable mention category once more) What_Else: I invented giving the finger. The story is much to complicated to relate here. Also, I invented electricity. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Sep 25 22:18:35 2001 Submitting Host: 208.58.220.188 Loser: Elden Carnahan E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Married to the former Miss Mary Taylor, of the Waycross/Woodsville Taylors, since 1974. Our kids are April, 22, a recent Georgetown graduate, and Erin, 19, a sophomore at Virginia Tech. Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Oct 9 15:37:18 2001 Submitting Host: 64.12.105.169 Loser: Judith E. Cottrill E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: Bronx, N"Y E_mail: jes14d@aol.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: Night Mayor, NYC SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Rip Torn Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Oct 9 19:08:54 2001 Submitting Host: 64.12.105.24 Loser: John Burton E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: Herndon, Virginia E_mail: johnburton@aol.com MYWEB: Family_Unit: Day_Job: Disgruntled Postal Worker SI_Debut_Week: LXXXIX Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Winning the Velvet and bronze police award from bangladesh was the best day of my life so far this week. The award had better not get lost in the mail. I will cherish that award for the rest of my life or until I win something else. Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Oct 9 19:17:02 2001 Submitting Host: 18.238.3.57 Loser: E_MAIL: NEW_USED: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Oct 9 19:20:10 2001 Submitting Host: 18.238.3.57 Loser: Beth Baniszewski E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: Columbia, MD/Cambridge, MA E_mail: baniszew@mit.edu MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: I've occasionally contributed to Top5 Pets. I can also be seen as beth102383 at Zealot.com and as baniszew at its new incarnation RevolutionSF.com in a number of humor contests. It's not quite SI type humor, as the sites are mostly frequented by fanboys in (I'm guessing) their twenties, but I find it entertaining. Finest_SI_Hour: 11 p.m. to 12 a.m., October 8, 2001. What_Else: My current non-Columbia residence is in a long, dark hallway with the other Children of Florey under the watchful gaze of our lord Krotus. I am a member of the Assassin's Guild, so fear my wrath and watch out for my disc guns. The sailing team is fun. bookcorner: Gadsby, by Ernest Wright bookcorner_detail: I haven't actually read it, and a copy may be hard to find as it was published in 1939, but this novel does not once use the letter e. I read excerpts from it in a fine book called The Journal of the Institute for Hacks, TomFoolery and Pranks at MIT. They were quite impressive. PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun Oct 14 16:32:02 2001 Submitting Host: 208.219.109.235 Loser: Pat Alder E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: prettyfunnylady@hotmail.com MYWEB: http://www.funnyladypatalder.homestead.com/patalder1.html Family_Unit: Day_Job: Stand up Comedienne SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Oct 22 10:07:00 2001 Submitting Host: 207.190.213.246 Loser: Susan Thompson E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http://www.cyguys.com/Susanwer Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: on Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I sent the Czar a photo of my brain, featuring the hole where the tumor had been, and the words, "Style Invitational - The Contest That Ate My Brain". He then sent me a copy of his book, inscribed thusly: "To Susan Thompson, who had a brain tumor the average hypochondriac would DIE for" along with a request for 10 more photographs to use as prizes. I have sent them, and am waiting to see what value he assigns to them when they are offered as prizes. Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat Jan 26 18:38:47 2002 Submitting Host: 63.24.232.194 Loser: frank calogero E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: jefferson, ga E_mail: fcalaja@mindspring.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: stranger in an estranged gene pool worship the quicksand the ex walks on, own 5 kuvasz and work for dog food, have friends in high places, but don't visit often as i am subject to nose bleeds. Day_Job: you kidding? SI_Debut_Week: forgot Movie: a kuvasz Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: 3rd place, and honorable mentions but i am getting better. saw the pix of the ford's squatting and just knew it was their response about nixon on 8/9/74 Finest_SI_Hour: it was about 1 am, and i nearly spilled my whiskey bottle but caught it at the last moment, laughing about a joke i wrote for the SI, it never won, but i would have missed that whiskey mighty bad. What_Else: see above... "will work for dog food" bookcorner: soundtrack to "oh, brother, where art thou." bookcorner_detail: in the immortal words of jed clapett, "wee doggies!!" and he was not scotch, referring to weiner dogs either. PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Feb 12 23:33:15 2002 Submitting Host: 158.252.69.146 Loser: J. Larry Schott E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: larry@vbni.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Kept far away from D.C. and the Style Invitational Day_Job: I sell insurance SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Ralph Scott Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Finest_SI_Hour: 8:40 to 9:40am, Sunday August 23, 1998 What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Wed Feb 13 13:31:39 2002 Submitting Host: 206.239.39.55 Loser: Edward Gordon E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: Ashburn, VA E_mail: ed@edgor.com MYWEB: http://www.edgor.com Family_Unit: Wife Linda, one newly adopted cat named Dulce de Leche. My wife's latest motto, "Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional". Day_Job: After 27 years writing software, I still haven't figured it out. SI_Debut_Week: Dec 2001 Movie: Tom Cruise, of course. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Got an honorable mention, haven't gotten an a bumper sticker, yet. All I remember is that you guys changed 30 minutes to 23 minutes, remembering to squeeze the commercials out. I write fiction, and articles for trade rags, plus have editted several Mensa and IEEE newsletters. My latest bon mots are on the website, haven't updated for Christmas, yet. Finest_SI_Hour: I'm a newbie, I know it's a communist plot, and that I will never be chosen. Actually, it's seeing a profile last month of a kindred spirit. What_Else: I'm adorable. bookcorner: Favorite Movies: Clockwork Orange (analysis for years!!!) Lion In Winter (I'm in DC now, go figure) wanted to like "Eyes Wide Shut", but it was not believable enough. bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: URL PHOTOURL: http://www.edgor.com *** Sun Feb 17 13:14:15 2002 Submitting Host: 151.203.178.102 Loser: Seth A. Brown E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: New England E_mail: m_annoyance@hotmail.com MYWEB: www.nothisdoesnotreallyexistsoforgodsakesdonotclickhereyoumoron.com Family_Unit: Day_Job: Un(der)employed Writer SI_Debut_Week: CIV Movie: Groucho Marx. Oh wait, are we allowed to nominate dead people? If we're restricted to the realm of the living, Mel Brooks. Not that either of them look anything like me, but I may as well enjoy the movie, right? Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: SI: My first entry enlightened me as to why losing was crucial, as instead of a permanent T-shirt, I won disposable underwear. Elsewhere: I've had various small letters and articles published in places ranging from obscure local papers to The Weekly Standard. All of it was fleeting. Back in the old days, I used to write a rhyming political humor column on Sundays for the Providence Journal. Now that was a good time... Finest_SI_Hour: My very first entry which ended up winning the #1 spot. The contest (Week CIV) was to come up with the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphed the punchline, and I managed to work in Samuel Morse. What_Else: bookcorner: Catch-22, by Joseph Heller The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams "Brain Donors" bookcorner_detail: Catch-22 could just be the best book ever written. Most people have already read it before, but if you haven't, you really ought to. It just beautifully frames so many of the world's stupidities, and puts them on display in a very amusing and insightful way. Until Catch-22, THGTTG was my favorite book. The book itself is whimsical light sci-fi, but even if you don't like that, just borrow it from the library--or even walk into a bookshop--and just read the introduction/prologue. A fine explanation of the history of man. As a Marx Brothers afficianado, "Brain Donors" is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, because it successfully manages to take "Night at the Opera" and remove those long, boring parts where people sing because comedy wasn't king back in those days. PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Feb 22 13:04:45 2002 Submitting Host: 199.4.20.2 Loser: Larry Laiken E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: Pelham Manor, NY E_mail: brooks2nd@hotmail.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: 21 years to life partner; pet cockatiel, "Jewnior", who whistles the theme from "The Bridge On The River Kwai" flat. Day_Job: don't do much but get paid well SI_Debut_Week: TBD Movie: Andy Roddick (see pic)or Alexi Yagudin Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: on Post: Elsewhere: on Details: New York Magazine Competitions, 1969-2000. One of league leaders in onbase average, and slugging percentage. Cal Ripken Award, 2000. Most usages of my name in winning entries, usually in a derogatory way smacking of envy. Fan club in Zap, ND. Several phone conversations (I listened well anyway) with legend Mary Ann Madden; also in possession of two handwritten missives from same (authenticated), soon to appear on Antique Roadshow, and betting on an appraisal exceeding the recent half a mil. for that mundane Navajo Chief's Blanket with the Kit Carson backstory. Other credits: Los Angeles Magazine, pop culture columnist (mid '90's), Cleveland Plain Dealer Sunday Supplement (ditto). Work also appears in The Big Book of American Humor, and Mary Ann Madden trilogy from Viking Press (sadly out of print). Finest_SI_Hour: Inveigling my way into this fraternal order with Chris Doyle's help What_Else: I really wanted to play tennis on a pro level and someday hope to land a quad salchow in competition. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Wed Mar 6 17:17:24 2002 Submitting Host: 151.203.181.29 Loser: Seth A. Brown E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: SI: I managed to win with my very first entry, and haven't won since. Elsewhere: I've had various small letters and articles published in places ranging from obscure local papers to The Weekly Standard. All of it was fleeting. Back in the old days, I used to write a rhyming political humor column on Sundays for the Providence Journal. Now that was a good time... Finest_SI_Hour: Within 24 hours of signing on to Losernet, my name became synonymous with time-wasting, and I was insulted in limerick form. What_Else: I never would have known about the Style Invitational if Marianne (who at this point still hasn't entered, but has been reading it for years!) hadn't told me about it. Blame her. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Wed Mar 20 18:44:25 2002 Submitting Host: 128.8.222.131 Loser: Steve Fahey E_MAIL: NEW_USED: NEW Home_Town: Kensington, Md. E_mail: fahey@health.umd.edu MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: i've a psychotic cat, plus a splendid son at the USCGA, and I once flew next to Jackie O., in a very small plane Day_Job: Sports Physician, UMCP SI_Debut_Week: ca '96 Movie: Dieter Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: Details: sole S.I. win was for mildly funny "di'agnostic'ian" (the doc who's not quite sure what you've got) entry; once drove the Beltway counting lane-changers, and Post reported my findings that fewer than half signaled first (if I'd sent this report to Levey, I might have had to go to lunch with him) Finest_SI_Hour: 1. My as yet unrewarded entry in High School nickname contest: the Leakey (Texas) Trojans. 2. My 1996-ish entry in the contest to invent a slogan for D.C.: "A Work-free Drug Place" (we DO get one lie, right?) What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Apr 4 18:23:54 2002 Submitting Host: 64.12.102.161 Loser: E_MAIL: NEW_USED: USED Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: I've had a ball with some of the contests, others are like pulling teeth. Most efforts meet with the same result. My daughter lives in Alexandria and suggested I enter SI. Little did she know it would become a slight obsession. I think I'll send her a bumper-sticker. It would serve her right if some strange people started honking their horns and waving at her. Finest_SI_Hour: My total admiration for Chris Doyle's entries. I'm surprised I have a generous, unjealous bone in my body. It's just not like me to admit it. The guy is just too good. What_Else: You'll have to read the book. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Apr 26 16:09:11 2002 Submitting Host: 216.118.190.11 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Bill Spencer E_MAIL: Home_Town: Exeter, New Hampshire E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Married to a church organist (not onanist, silly!) who is almost as tall as I am. We have a singing son. Day_Job: Techie-lite. SI_Debut_Week: XC Movie: Either Alfred Hitchcock or his boy Sherman. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: My actual entries have been uniformly snubbed, which only goes to show. (It's also too late for me to get most of these other things anyway.) I had a letter to the editor printed in the Baltimore Sun once (when I still lived in Maryland), dimly related to some pointless work I did in graduate school. If you can call it work. Finest_SI_Hour: Wellllllllll...the Czar actually emailed me back asking for clarification of an idiotic contest idea I had sent in, and then even replied to my reply. I will never see the likes of it again. What_Else: Career-changing can be a career. bookcorner: John D. MacDonald's Travis McGee novels. "Common Ground" by J. Anthony Lukas. Most any movie involving Buster Keaton (pre-talkie). Preston Sturges's good movies. Howard Hawks's His Girl Friday. Carl Nielsen's symphonies. Ralph Vaughan Williams's symphonies. bookcorner_detail: They're all dead white guys like me. PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat May 4 16:36:04 2002 Submitting Host: 64.157.63.148 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Mark Eckenwiler E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: I am the only member of our nuclear family who does not hold at least an orange belt in Kenpo karate. I prefer to think of myself as the brains of an operation surrounded by thuggish minions, although some have suggested that I am the one person who can safely be said not to wear the pants in the family. (I have decided to have those people kilt.) Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Ron Jeremy Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: Finest_SI_Hour: Week CXV, which I won, proving that I'm not even good at losing. The four HMs that week did salve the wound somewhat. What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: URL PHOTOURL: http://www.panix.com/~eck/photo.jpg *** Mon Jun 3 15:26:44 2002 Submitting Host: 64.90.132.167 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Kathleen Echeverria E_MAIL: Home_Town: Reno, NV E_mail: philosopher@powernet.net MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: I was born, I live, I am my own child. Day_Job: Controller/Freelance Writer SI_Debut_Week: Movie: I don't think they make actors/actresses who look anything like me so I think they'll have to skip over my part. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I haven't done shit. Finest_SI_Hour: The one where I decided to post my information for complete strangers to review. What_Else: They should write me directly if they want the scoop. Then I don't waste their time with a bunch of useless, irrelevant, uninteresting details. bookcorner: I recommend you find your own way. bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Jun 4 00:01:33 2002 Submitting Host: 66.44.2.114 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Philip Avigan E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: The Druid Bible bookcorner_detail: I haven't entered in a while due to medical condition some call laziness (I call it human hibernation disorder). Anyway, the point is that I'm coming back. And thats why Beland left, cause he's scared that I would tarnish his legacy by relegating him to honorable mention duties for the next few years! The rest of you losers better watch out, cause I am primed to rake in those extraneous, unneccessary, and irrelevant prizes. I'm starting a collection in my basement. Coincidently, that is where I practice my crocheting skills. I recently crocheted a hawain party shirt for a siamese-twin pair of small rodents. And that was in my sleep (where I was also diverting the majority of my attention to finding the the 999895th digit of pie). So this style invitational bussiness will be childs play. PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Jun 17 22:09:20 2002 Submitting Host: 68.98.139.143 NEW_USED: USED Loser: John Kammer E_MAIL: Home_Town: Herndon, Va. E_mail: No longer available MYWEB: http://www Family_Unit: Cats, kids, wife, all total about six other beings apart from myself and only counting things of rodent size or larger. Day_Job: Sadly, yes. SI_Debut_Week: 72 Movie: Kurt Cobain Won_SI: on Uncle: on Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: on Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: on Levey: Blind: on NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: It was a dork and stormy night. Yeah, I meant to say "dork" so quit laughing - it's no typo. And quit interrupting me. Now you made me lose my train of thought. Bastards! Where the hell was I? Well crap, I'm about out of room in this space bnow so I'll just go on to the next one. Finest_SI_Hour: Not simply having the contempt of decent citizenry everywhere, but having EARNED it. What_Else: I accept bribes. You may not get what you thought you wanted for it, but you'll be better off. And so of course will I. bookcorner: There are too many to list here. They're all good. Go rent each and every one. bookcorner_detail: I own stock in Blockbuster. PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Jun 24 09:40:40 2002 Submitting Host: 209.122.204.128 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Elden Carnahan E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Married to the former Miss Mary Taylor, of the Waycross/Woodsville Taylors, since 1974. Our kids are April, 23, a recent Georgetown graduate, and Erin, 20, a junior at Virginia Tech. Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: SI Winner, Prize Donor, Ear Contributor, and Contest Suggester, I am one of four still-active charter members of N.R.A.R.S. I have won the Invitational a measly handful of times, one of which elicited the wrath of Don Imus on the air and caused my sister-in-law to drive into Long Island Sound. Finest_SI_Hour: I don't care for this question, so I will describe my most confusing hour. My first Win was in the contest where we were to propose very bad ideas for a future installment of the Invitational. If, as the Czar insists, this feature is the nation's last surviving meritocracy, what am I to make of being the very best at the worst? (This logical cul-de-sac is probably what caused the disappearance both of Week 64 and Tom Gearty.) What_Else: I collect foreign-language Monopoly sets and one time served a cheeseburger to Ilya Kuryakin. I saw Cal Ripken's first major-league at-bat and the last run scored at Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. I went to high school with that city's former Mayor, and am distant kin to the junior Senator from Missouri, although both are likely unclear on the difference between me and a bucket of gopher drool. One time I climbed a 700-ft.-tall sand-dune in 3 hours and came back down in 10 minutes, and I know where to find a Metrobus that has not moved in at least 45 years. I will personally kick anyone's butt in Bible Lotto. The Supreme Allied Commander lived in my house in the summer of 1919, before it had plumbing. I am a defenseless and oppressed law-school graduate who specialized in the history of Quaker violence and constructive treason. That is all. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Jun 24 12:38:17 2002 Submitting Host: 128.150.22.131 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: just testing E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Jun 28 11:53:53 2002 Submitting Host: 66.120.157.140 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Lex Friedman E_MAIL: Home_Town: Los Angeles, CA E_mail: lex@alumni.brandeis.edu MYWEB: http://www.brandeis.edu/~lexfri Family_Unit: I'm engaged. Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: I will play the role of Seth Brown, the Puntificiator of Punzance, because I know Seth better than he knows myself. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Mad magazine did a feature after Joan Osbourne bruised our ears with her pop ballad "What if God Was One of Us?" Mad did a cartoon feature about that same question, surprisingly titled, "What if God Was One of Us?" My letter went like this: I read your "What if God Was One of Us" feature and have a few points I wish to make. 1. Regardless of Joan Osbourne's evident lack of brain cells, her song's title question is in the subjunctive mood, and thus should read, "What if God WERE One of Us?" 2. The Jeopardy! joke has already been made in cartoon form; just ask Gary Larson of The Far Side fame. 3. You depict God wearing glasses. The Omniscient One needs corrective lenses? I don't think so. 4. In one panel, you misspell "Omniscient." 5. You show God eating crabmeat. God, I assure you, would keep Kosher. Mad replied: Lexus, Your ponderous points got us thinking, and we've come up with some questions we'd like to ask God if He WERE one of us! 1. What in the name of You were You thinking when You invented Lex Friedman? 2. Would You be willing to take Lex back right now? 3. Short of number two, would you at least condemn him to the fiery pits of hell, where the flames of Satan can lick at his heels for all eternity? 4. Short of number three, could you at least send him on one of those hellish Kathy Lee Carnival cruises? 5. Do you eat crabmeat? Thanks for writing, and God bless you! Finest_SI_Hour: I write Haiku. Lots of haiku. Finally, a haiku contest graced the Invitiational. I sent dozens. I scored an honorable mention for: Zachary Taylor His name has five syllables Zachary Taylor What_Else: I KNOW SETH BROWN. In some circles, that makes you deity-worthy. In others... Sponge-worthy. bookcorner: They Might Be Giants -- "No!" bookcorner_detail: TMBG's children's album is the best work of their more recent releases. Or something. PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Jun 28 11:56:28 2002 Submitting Host: 66.120.157.140 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Lex Friedman E_MAIL: Home_Town: Los Angeles, CA E_mail: lex@alumni.brandeis.edu MYWEB: http://www.brandeis.edu/~lexfri Family_Unit: I'm engaged. Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: I will be portrayed by Seth Brown, the Puntificiator of Punzance, because Seth knows me better than I know himself. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Mad magazine did a feature after Joan Osbourne bruised our ears with her pop ballad "What if God Was One of Us?" Mad did a cartoon feature about that same question, surprisingly titled, "What if God Was One of Us?" My letter went like this: I read your "What if God Was One of Us" feature and have a few points I wish to make. 1. Regardless of Joan Osbourne's evident lack of brain cells, her song's title question is in the subjunctive mood, and thus should read, "What if God WERE One of Us?" 2. The Jeopardy! joke has already been made in cartoon form; just ask Gary Larson of The Far Side fame. 3. You depict God wearing glasses. The Omniscient One needs corrective lenses? I don't think so. 4. In one panel, you misspell "Omniscient." 5. You show God eating crabmeat. God, I assure you, would keep Kosher. Mad replied: Lexus, Your ponderous points got us thinking, and we've come up with some questions we'd like to ask God if He WERE one of us! 1. What in the name of You were You thinking when You invented Lex Friedman? 2. Would You be willing to take Lex back right now? 3. Short of number two, would you at least condemn him to the fiery pits of hell, where the flames of Satan can lick at his heels for all eternity? 4. Short of number three, could you at least send him on one of those hellish Kathy Lee Carnival cruises? 5. Do you eat crabmeat? Thanks for writing, and God bless you! Finest_SI_Hour: I write Haiku. Lots of haiku. Finally, a haiku contest graced the Invitiational. I sent dozens. I scored an honorable mention for: Zachary Taylor His name has five syllables Zachary Taylor What_Else: I KNOW SETH BROWN. In some circles, that makes you deity-worthy. In others... Sponge-worthy. bookcorner: They Might Be Giants -- "No!" bookcorner_detail: TMBG's children's album is the best work of their more recent releases. Or something. PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Jul 1 15:00:35 2002 Submitting Host: 131.158.15.141 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Eric D. Schaffer E_MAIL: Home_Town: Silver Spring E_mail: Albatunny@hotmail.com MYWEB: http://albatunny.diaryland.com Family_Unit: I have no spouse, as I am not of marriable age. Day_Job: Student at a prestigious local high school. I also burn things. SI_Debut_Week: XXVII Movie: The dashing British sidekick to somebody, who gets all the women, but still functions as a voice of morality and/or reason. I am haunted by the demons of my bitter past, as I was once twelve thirteenths of the Swedish Mafia. I feel naked without a full tuxedo, including cane and top hat. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I am fascinated by capitalism. For that reason, I covered my schoolbooks with the stock pages. I also hate statistics. Thus, to keep myself from exploding in said class, I would read the stock pages on my schoolbooks and make up names for the companies. This gave me an idea for an SI contest: building the world's gratest penguin. The czar rejected this idea and kicked me repeatedly, until I gave up the idea of making up companies based on stock names for some reason. I also got second runner up twice, two years apart. My secret is not entering for two years. I lost to "MOMMY'S BIG FAT BUTT" once. Finest_SI_Hour: I guess when I realised that my contest had been selected. What_Else: I am an anglophile, not only in that I like Britain, but also in that I have a strange and inexplicable Britain fetish. I will soon be governor of the sun. bookcorner: Hm..."The Doctor is Sick" by Anthony Burgess. It's about an etymologist with a brain tumor who goes crazy on the streets of London. bookcorner_detail: It's about an etymologist with a brain tumor who goes crazy on the streets of London. PHOTO: URL PHOTOURL: http://emily.sameperson.net/SolarGubernate.jpg *** Tue Jul 2 08:13:29 2002 Submitting Host: 131.158.186.127 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Eric D. Schaffer E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: An animatronic robot known solely as "DON." Not only is he a robot, but he is also on fire. Constantly. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Jul 2 09:15:41 2002 Submitting Host: 131.158.186.127 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Eric D. Schaffer E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Not being of mariable age, I live at home. My mum is a psychologist, and has psychoanalysed me from birth. My dad is a sailor, and has taught me to be same. My sisters are twins. Our pets are presently a wounded boxer and two cats, but have, in the past, included a tail-less mutt, a turtle who ran away, a patterdale/jack russel mix with a social anxiety disorder, a bird who went insane and died, and many other less interesting animals. We live in a fort constructed from couch pillows. It is shaped like a 1950s diner, but made of couch pillows. Day_Job: Intern, but not the sexy kind or the mudered kind. That gets me no income, so I also sell these fine leather jackets... SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: I am running for Governor of the Sun. There are no other candidates, and the election is held in your hearts. Vote Eric for Sun-Governor. I like cookies. I also draw postmodernist comics. My obsession with Britain leads me to call the fourth of July "Ungrateful Day." I should be working right now. My T-Shirt advertises anxiety disorder awareness. I enjoy wearing ties, as long as they do not match my shirt or are hilariously old fashioned. I compulsively correct people's grammar and I obsessively pun. I long for approval and a British accent. My employer's name is "Wijo." I started Invitationally Styling on a lark, just like with all the other things I like to do. I have once been applauded for "saving a show." I have dressed up as the following for halloween: Charlie Chaplin, Sigmund Freud, The Son of Man (the painting, not the bible guy with the sandals and stuff), Vincent Van Gogh and Azmodeus. I have been known to trespass occasionally. And I think somebody owes me another "Loser" T-Shirt. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Jul 11 16:13:47 2002 Submitting Host: 137.165.28.85 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Seth A. Brown E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: .. After winning the Style Invitational with my very first entry, I swiftly devolved to a smattering of (dis)honorable mentions. I have yet to win the pen. If I ever do, I'll update this profile. Back in the old days, I used to write a rhyming political humor column on Sundays for the Providence Journal. It was, without question, the high point of my career. One day I'd like to go back and do it again, but for more money. Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: I never would have known about the Style Invitational if Marianne (who at this point still hasn't entered, but has been reading it for years!) hadn't told me about it. Blame her. Also, I used to write humor with a certain Loser whose name rhymes with Shmex Shmiedman. Now I write humor alone, and I still can't get published often enough. Possibly my favorite old-time gag is: "Hey Fred, you've got a banana in your ear." "I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my ear." bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun Jul 28 05:25:25 2002 Submitting Host: 64.252.98.209 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: William Zamojcin E_MAIL: Home_Town: Vernon, CT E_mail: uconnzam@snet.net MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: "Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified" pretty much crushed my family's pleas for anonymity, but I'll do my best to otherwise keep them out of it. Day_Job: Since nobody can find them on the keyboard, I hand-draw all the "schwas" in dictionaries. SI_Debut_Week: CXXV Movie: Matthew Perry. I've often been compared to this celebrity both for my brand of humor and my chillingly parallel weight fluctuation (see photos). That is, if "up" by itself can be considered a weight fluctuation. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Given my location (Connecticut, downstairs, sitting down), I had never seen an actual printed copy of the Washington Post until I won the Contest. Then I went to a wedding in the area, picked up the latest edition, and got smudgy fingers. I came back home. Finest_SI_Hour: Winning the Style Invitational in my very first attempt of any kind to get something published. What_Else: Since leaving my last job, I've had more time to chase my dreams of becoming a full-time writer. My family is pleased that I am wisely using this time not to pursue gainful employment so much as trying to win bumper stickers. I hope to be the next Dave Barry. My two major obstacles are that the first Dave Barry is still alive, my own name is currently not Dave Barry, and I am not a very good counter. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Jul 30 19:20:10 2002 Submitting Host: 152.163.189.97 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Judith Cottrill E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: In SI, The Motion Picture, I will be portrayed by Courtney Love. If she's still living, of course. Otherwise, default to Rip Torn. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Oct 3 15:30:49 2002 Submitting Host: 128.150.22.236 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Justin Test E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Oct 3 15:50:24 2002 Submitting Host: 137.18.255.43 NEW_USED: USED Loser: J.J. Gertler E_MAIL: Home_Town: Alexandria, VA E_mail: jjloser@hardrive.com MYWEB: http://www.judyandjj.com Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: on Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: "Top Five contributor" should be deleted. Not any particular contributor, mind. Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Oct 17 17:19:10 2002 Submitting Host: 24.50.98.36 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Seth A. Brown E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: g_malaise@hotmail.com MYWEB: http://www.lethandsex.com Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: I am so fluent in Pig Latin that I once taught a course on it. Those who do not enjoy my humor are sure to dislike my website with Lex Friedman, at www.lexandseth.com bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat Nov 16 19:05:33 2002 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.212 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Kevin Mellema E_MAIL: Home_Town: Somewhere East of Laramie E_mail: Mulsane@aol.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Everytime I tell that story the other person tells me to get out after 50 minutes. Weird. It's left me a scarred individual with a definite complex about revealing myself. Come to think of it, wasn't that what lead to telling... Day_Job: Define "day" SI_Debut_Week: entered wek 1, first printed week 10 Movie: HUN??? WHAT??? OH, PROBABLY JAMES CAAN. Oh for where are thou Gabby...???? BUT I THINK THEY ALREADY MADE THAT ONE. BACK IN 1965 I THINK IT WAS. WHY DO YOU ASK??? HUN???? WHAT????? Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: on Globe: on Prize_Donor: on Top_5: Ear_Contributor: on Levey: on Blind: NY_Mag: on Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: Ok so it wasn't the Neologisms contest. Was something about the differences between democrats and republicans. And I suggested a contest, the Czar just didn't make it a contest. Does this mean I'm fired....??? Uhhhhh, by the way....are these my accomplishments? I mean like, you know, if these are the high points.... uhhhh... Finest_SI_Hour: Well, there was that Sunday morning on the kitchen table. Oh, you mean IN the Style Invitational.... That would be the drawing of Jesse Helms as the first page of a coloring book so bad it would make you put it down. Not sure that lasted for a full 60 minutes either. Maybe both of them together, and a trip to the bagel shop would be an hour. If there was a long line at the bagel shop, and you had to make a stop for gas and couldn't figure out how to opperate the pump. That might be an hour. What_Else: If there should be any adorning of my pubic, then by all means let me in on it. I suppose I should say I'd trade all of my F2s for one 2F. And if you don't understand that, then you aren't 'Gabby', and if you aren't Gabby then why are you adorning my pubic? bookcorner: The Porcelain God, a social history of the toilet by Julie Horan bookcorner_detail: I have never actually read this book, although I do own a copy, and I did flip through it once. The cover blurb reads.... "Elvis died on one, and Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, was born on one." It goes on say other stuff, but that's as far as I got. Basically I just like the idea that someone has her head in the toilet and doesn't mind letting the world know about it. That, and the fact that I can recommend something I know virtually nothing about. God bless the internet! PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Nov 26 11:55:20 2002 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.188 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Scott Israel E_MAIL: Home_Town: Loserville E_mail: himynameiscottimaloser@aol.com MYWEB: http://loser.com Family_Unit: He is a loser. Day_Job: Loser SI_Debut_Week: Number Loser Movie: A Loser Won_SI: on Uncle: on Suggested: on Globe: on Prize_Donor: on Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: on Levey: on Blind: on NY_Mag: on Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: Hi my name is Scott Im a Loser Finest_SI_Hour: Um... Im a loser What_Else: Im a bigger loser than you are!HAHAHAH! bookcorner: Celine Dion's New CD, entitled " My name is Scott. Im a loser!" bookcorner_detail: Im a loser. Take that! PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: *** Sun Dec 22 16:01:32 2002 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.216 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Michael Levy E_MAIL: Home_Town: Silver Spring, MD E_mail: levy1@erols.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: My wife Stefanie has two daughters, Emily who is 5 and Alycia who is 3. She tells me they are mine, and I am inclined to believe her. At the very least, I pay their expenses, give them hugs and kisses, and a bath once a week whether they need it or not. And we have a Rocky the cat who likes to hunt and dismember crickets in the basement then bring them up to us as presents. If that ain't love, I don't know what is. Day_Job: I've been selling medical equipment in OR's, ICU's and now Radiology Depts. for 15 years. I also attempeted stand up comedy at White Oak Bowling ally, but pretty much just wound up in the gutter. SI_Debut_Week: Year-1995, week- no idea Movie: The Oompa Loompa who sang lead after the fat kid got sucked into the chocolate river. I've also thought maybe the guy who plays Number 1 on Star Trek,TNG. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: It happened today, It happened today. For years I've toiled, been rejected, hit writer's block, had to help my spouse deliver a child or she simply wouldn't let me near the computer to email my entries. I have a bunch of bumper stickers, but never made it to the big time. I got so desperate I started calling Don and Mike till they started hanging up on me. And then, 4 weeks ago at the start of the Homonym contest, I had a horrible thought of my nutty aunt spitting into her kleenex and wiping my face in public and BOOOOOOM- I entered Auntacid in the homonym contest and won. Finest_SI_Hour: A woman at our synagoge saw my name a few times, and always introduces me to her friends as Michael, he writes in the Post some times, you know. That, plus at 6:00 a.m. this morning, I got an email congratulting from a friend. What_Else: I was born a triple minority, a poor-Jewish-Republican. I really do not fit in anywhere. And as I get older, I'm having trouble fitting into things too, like the pants I wore 5 years ago. bookcorner: The Dictionary, Webster Spandau Phoenix, Greg Isles bookcorner_detail: I believe this is written by some guy a short black child from T.V., but I may be off on this. This one is for real. I love everything this guy has written, and this first book is excellent. PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Dec 27 15:39:50 2002 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.180 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Maja Keech E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: 4 cats (anybody want one?) Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: on Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: on Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: Details: Won a George Bush (not Dubya) pin cushion for updating the expression "AWOL" to "AOL". The Post published a letter I wrote saying something to the effect that if Jesse Helms didn't think he should pay taxes to support the arts, did that mean that I didn't have to pay taxes for subsidies to his tobacco growing constituents? Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: Nothing. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Jan 6 00:04:45 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.196 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Bill McCubbin E_MAIL: Home_Town: Petaluma Ca. E_mail: Billymac@hotmail.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: My son hates me. My girlfriend refuses to bathe and I eat pork rinds by the pound. Day_Job: Bass Player SI_Debut_Week: Movie: The corpse of Chris Farley Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I use to drive a limo but it got in the way of my drinking schedule. Finest_SI_Hour: Giving birth to my son ( at least that's what he claims I said) I must have been three sheets again... What_Else: That I am a pathetic useless old man.Enough said... bookcorner: Silent night deadly night ( I wish I played the lead) bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Jan 6 12:02:43 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.211 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: ladidadida E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Jan 7 19:40:17 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.182 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Milt Eisner E_MAIL: Home_Town: McLean VA E_mail: eisner@erols.com MYWEB: Family_Unit: Divorced. Two kids both in law school. Day_Job: Statistician at NIH SI_Debut_Week: ? Movie: Woody Allen Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: Details: I've won 1 Second Runner-Up and 2 Honorable Mentions. My second runner-up was renaming the constellations -- Lyra the Liar -- stars form profile of Nixon. My two honorable mentions were naming high school teams -- the Russiaville (IN) All-Tsars -- and creating new chemical elements -- Gorium (Zz). You can look up what weeks they were. Finest_SI_Hour: I set a record with over 500 submissions (1 winner) to the high school teams contest. I also submitted many brilliant "first drafts of songs" that were spurned by the Czar. What_Else: bookcorner: Popular: "Blonde on Blonde," Bob Dylan, 1966. Classical: Beethoven's "Archduke" Trio. Film: "The General," Buster Keaton, 1927. Baseball Team: 1969 Mets. bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Jan 10 15:16:44 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.175 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Mark Young E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: I'm a statistician, but that has absolutely no bearing upon my poker-playing ability. Now, how about some 7-card stud? SI_Debut_Week: Movie: John C. O'Reilly, the best actor nobody's ever heard of. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: The chess columns in the Washington Post and Times have mentioned my various exploits over the board. Finest_SI_Hour: The Rodney Dangerfieldisms contest, which according to the Czar was judged by Rodney himself. I took second place to His Chuckness. What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun Jan 12 12:39:59 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.178 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Colette Zanin E_MAIL: Home_Town: Greenbelt MD E_mail: originalwit@yahoo.com MYWEB: none whatsoever Family_Unit: This answer will tend to vary depending upon who is doing the asking. Day_Job: If I tell you I'll have to give you a very stern look. SI_Debut_Week: XLIII Movie: Jodie Foster. If we can't afford her, maybe Calista Flockhart, after a couple more meals, could do the job. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Oh my, I hardly think this space will be sufficient. Oh, wrong, it is. Finest_SI_Hour: Week XLIX (Bad Pick-up lines)-- Man to woman: "You're under arrest for impersonating a Greek goddess. But not like one of those statues with the head knocked off, you know, one that's got all its arms and legs, and the nose isn't chipped, and she's just sort of standing there naked." What_Else: That I'm doing my pathetic part to get more women represented in the Invitational. That if you get anywhere near my bowl of popcorn you'll likely lose an arm. bookcorner: Slackjaw, Quitting the Nairobi Trio, by Jim Knipfel Rivethead by Ben Hamper Pretty much anything by Cynthia Heimel The Dog of the South, Gringos, by Charles Portis Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris Into Thin Air, Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer Bailey White's nonfiction works (her novel didn't cut it) Reflections in a Jaundiced Eye by Florence King bookcorner_detail: I tend to like works written by folks who are slightly demented. PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: *** Sat Feb 15 14:27:00 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.189 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Seth A. Brown E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http://wso.williams.edu/~sbrown Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: Every time I write an update about my SI status, it's wrong by the time the page is updated to include it, so I'm not saying anything aside from the fact that I won with my very first entry. I might also mention that Senor Weingarten featured my healthy lifestyle in a Below the Beltway column in late 2002. Back in the old days, I used to write a rhyming political humor column on Sundays for the Providence Journal. Much fun. Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: I am fluent in Pig Latin and once led a classical kazoo quintet. Those who do not enjoy my humor are sure to dislike my website with Lex Friedman, at www.lethandsex.com. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat Feb 22 19:41:05 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.194 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Helene Haduch E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: Hermit crab wrangler. SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: on Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: SI Winner, NY Mag Ink-getter, Seen in the Post or Elsewhere. Phone messages and emails from the Czar. Czar called out my name at the National Press Book Fair, having never seen me in person, but recognized me from my shamelessly bribe-attempting self-photographed greeting cards that I sent to him with entries. What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: Please take out the MD on my entry. I have been getting the wrong kind of email about availability of drugs. Also, If you still have it would prefer to substitute the April Fool Photo instead of Uncle Sam. Thanks. PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Mar 13 22:58:06 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.173 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Philip Avigan E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: I was reading the paper one spectacular sunday morning, when, all of a sudden, as my attention was diverted by other things (possibly two francophone parakeets)I, through no power of my own, had the paper turn to page F2. Intruiged by what I read, I decided to try my own hand at making second rate, heavily censored low-brow funnies. Suddenly imbued with superhuman funniness power, i e-mailed some nonsensical entry about equitorial guinea (the "country") and a tee-shirt. "Cool Beans," thought I 4 weeks later, when I suprisingly discovered that I made honorable mention, and that one did not have to be that funny to be "funny." At my utter amusement, I made it in a second time with some joke about Yasser Arafat. I was on a roll. "This is a sign of G-d," thought I, but then scolded myself for momentarily accepting the ethical premise that G-d has the ability to intervene into everyday affairs, which would leave the big problem of why bad things happen to good people. Nonetheless, I celebrated over some Hershey's chocolate milk. After quickly realizing that SI was a waste of my time and an insult to my ability, I stopped submitting entries, first to any contest involving clever wordplays on sounds of fecal discharge, then to any at all. But when surfing the web later in my life, I came across this 'gopherdrool' site. "Cool beans," thought I. I must get my name in here so it will endure for all posterity. It dissapointed me, however, to see pictures of all the other Losers, which reveal that they are quite old. Either way, though, I still love them, those old rascals! Mung forever! Day_Job: changing diapers for old SI fogies SI_Debut_Week: far too lazy to find out, but if 'around turn of the millenium' is close enough, than that shall do Movie: Jack Nicholson Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Mar 18 23:22:27 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.196 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: skot Bostick E_MAIL: Home_Town: VA E_mail: skot13@hotmail.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: multiple alien abductee, divorced, 1 major illicit liaison -(see marital status) Chuck Smith fan, spousal unit-I have a unit, but I'm not married to it. Dream celebrity disaster: Kenny G's tour plane collides w/M Bolton's and the wreckage lands on John Basedow. Day_Job: designer, illustrator SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I distain accomplishment, though I did almost make the final cut in the Top 5 List. Finest_SI_Hour: Lining my birdcage w/Style section Busting Keith Irvine, 1st runner up, week CLIX, for ripping off an old Letterman joke- (dried toothpaste as after dinner mints) What_Else: The alien probing really is'nt that bad. "Grassy Knoll"- nuff said bookcorner: "Velvet Underground Live '69" The Stooges "Raw Power" "Boogie Nights" "Shallow Grave" bookcorner_detail: -the VU album is the best record ever released -It's Iggy, what can you say? -Sure, it's about porn, but excellant film -same producer/director team as "Trainspotting", really sick in a good way PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Mar 28 09:24:41 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.215 Sat Mar 29 06:07:36 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.211 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Kevin Mellema E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: HUN??? WHAT??? OH, JAMES CAAN. Gabby would be the love interest, of course, and I'd drive a '65 GT350. Maybe you should just rent a copy of Red Line 7000. WHY DO YOU ASK??? HUN???? WHAT????? Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: I'd trade all my F2s for a single 2F.... or maybe an M8F. Better go, phone is ringing. Never mind, just my ears. On second thought, maybe you better put some mufflers on that 2F. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Wed Apr 2 09:17:41 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.178 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Bill Chang E_MAIL: Home_Town: New York, NY E_mail: MYWEB: none Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Wed May 14 15:23:08 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.194 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Tom Kreitzberg E_MAIL: Home_Town: Silver Spring, MD E_mail: mulliner@post.com MYWEB: Family_Unit: I warmly endorse my family. They're the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I come home at night. If they weren't my family, I imagine they'd get tired of me coming to their home every night. I know I would. Day_Job: Junior yes-man SI_Debut_Week: Hey, I'm not the one with a pathological obsession with SI statistics here Movie: The best boy, standing in a doorway for a test shot to see if the lighting is right. Like all my best work, this scene will be left out of the final release. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: I won on Mother's Day, with a touching entry about incompetent neurosurgeons operating on my wife. As it turned out, she liked that bit of romantic whimsy better than the present I bought her. Finest_SI_Hour: I wore my florescent yellow LOSER T-shirt to the hospital when my wife was in labor with our second child. In fact, wearing that T-shirt may have been what sent her into labor in the first place. Come to think of it, I spent most of that day sitting in the corner of the delivery room reading the Sports Illustrated College Football Preview. So it was my finest SI hour AND my finest SI hour. What_Else: An accomplished musician, a gifted public speaker, an award-winning poet, and a trusted voice in local affairs have all asked me to stop shining a flashlight in their face. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: URL PHOTOURL: http://www.smart.net/~tak/yourstruly.gif *** Tue Jun 17 03:29:07 2003 Submitting Host: 209.202.197.187 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Charles Star E_MAIL: Home_Town: Brooklyn, NY E_mail: cds28@yahoo.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Single. Day_Job: Lawyer SI_Debut_Week: 505 Movie: I wouldn't even get a credit in SI:TMP. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: I sold a short humor piece to ModernHumorist.com before they ran out of money and cut back drastically on both staff and new content. My piece was never published on the site, but after sitting on it for almost two years, they distributed it to their mailing list as a "scrolling bonus". I had two letters-to-the-editor published at McSweeneys.net when Eggers was merely building his kingdom, and McSweeney's was still an "it" website. Finest_SI_Hour: 1st Runner-up in Week 505. What_Else: You don't list the late, lamented News Quiz on Slate among the humor contests here. I was a frequent contributor and snared a decent, if not spectacular, number of front page appearances. bookcorner: Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole The Language Instinct by Steven Pinker The White House Mess by Christopher Buckley Hey, Wait by Jason bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Jul 8 20:20:44 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.179 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Ezra Deutsch-Feldman (DOY-ch) E_MAIL: Home_Town: Bethesda, MD E_mail: magicezra@aol.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: My mom and sister laugh at bladder control commercials, my dad laughs at c-span. I sit in my room. Day_Job: None. Will you hire me? SI_Debut_Week: 509 - hallmark poems Movie: Whoever plays Kramer in Seinfeld. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: I got a letter published in the KidsPost. I am still awaiting my supercool T-shirt. Finest_SI_Hour: I got one honerable mention once! What_Else: Why did the czar edit my entry? He really changed it a lot. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Jul 17 17:18:59 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.214 Thu Jul 17 17:19:33 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.191 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Ezra Deutsch-Feldman E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: In response to the Weak Week's interview with Chuck Smith [Anagram generators usually show no answers for "Chuck Smith".] The following are anagrams for Chuck Smith (I didn't make these up myself) HIT SCHMUCK SMUTCH HICK THICK CHUMS MUCH SHTICK MUCH KITSCH sHUCK, MITCH -------------- Also, alphabetically, I am next to Chris Doyle. The highest honor I have ever recieved. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Aug 1 14:30:32 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.221 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Chuck Lindblom E_MAIL: Home_Town: Herndon, VA E_mail: clindblom@cox.net MYWEB: http://www.mawebcenters.com/cplindblom Family_Unit: Married to the most forgiving lady in the world, she's still with me after 22 years of progressive and non-regenerative failures of bodily systems. One dog who exercises me. My family is still in place, but we left them in that place by running off when economics necessitated. Am still expecting the # 10 to drop into my life (before I am too debilitated) Day_Job: Retired SI_Debut_Week: ? Movie: Raymond Chandler Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: URL PHOTOURL: http://www.mawebcenters.com/cplindblom *** Fri Sep 5 18:19:22 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.191 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Ezra Deutsch-Feldman E_MAIL: Home_Town: Bethesda, MD E_mail: Starwarsezra@aol.com or MagicEzra@aol.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: I have a sister and mom who laugh to much and a dad who only laughs when watching C-SPAN Day_Job: CEO/student SI_Debut_Week: 509 Movie: Michael Richards (Who played Kramer on Seinfeld) Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: I had 2 letters in The Kidspost (one about a media bias in reporting the war in Iraq; one about Harry Potter). I await my T-Shirts. Finest_SI_Hour: I guess that would have to be the time I got an Honerable Mention. Week 509. I ran around the house in celebration until I stubbed my toe. What_Else: The czar changed my answer, from "Is a rare occurance" to "Bespeaks real endurance". Like I use the word bespeaks. I also am still awaitng my bumber sticker. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Sep 9 23:39:56 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.212 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Phyllis Reinhard E_MAIL: Home_Town: East Fallowfield. PA E_mail: phylk@erols.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: One tall, German husband; 2 fat cats... and a partridge in a pear tree. Day_Job: Monitoring Losernet to make sure Peyton catches all the misspelled words and grammar glitches. SI_Debut_Week: Long ago Movie: At the rate I'm inking lately I'd be the gopher for the Best Boy, Never on the silver screen. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: I recently lost my First Runner Up wooden Loser pen, the only decent prize I ever won, but I still have a few t-shirts large enough for an NBA player, and a drawer filled with bumper stickers...plus, of course the heartbreak of constant rejection. Also have a file cabinet filled with features, columns and interviews from my years as a reporter, columnist and freelance writer.And have so far written and illustrated 8 books for my darlings, Jenna and Kate. Finest_SI_Hour: My finest hours never get ink, natch...still have had the best fun on Losernet penning marathon limericks with Peyton, and reading Chris Doyle's amazing entries. What_Else: I used to be 5'2" tall; my last name used to be Kepner; I love cold, dark chocolate. Weekly, I consider giving up the Style Invitational, weakly, I don't. bookcorner: "A Prayer For Owen Meany," by John Irving bookcorner_detail: and even though Irving did one of the two screen plays based loosely on this book, no one should ever have attempted a movie version, let alone two movies...it can not be done! PHOTO: URL PHOTOURL: already exists *** Sat Sep 13 00:53:23 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.181 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Marleen May E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: My rat passed away. The 4 legged one, not my husband. Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: on Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: I went to junior high school with Al Franken. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Sep 22 16:44:20 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.199 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Josh Borken E_MAIL: Home_Town: Bloomington, Minnesota E_mail: bork0027@umn.edu MYWEB: Family_Unit: I'm just a 19 year old Jewish college student trying to make it through the harsh winters of Minnesota. Day_Job: Office Assistant for Orientation and First-Year Programs at the University of Minnesota SI_Debut_Week: week 518 Movie: River Phoenix. He's going to be huge one day. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I received an honorable mention in week 518. Finest_SI_Hour: Recieving a minor hours before I was published. When I told the hearing officer, he lowered the ticket. Everyone loves irony. What_Else: I do stand-up comedy at ACME comedy club Monday nights in downtown Minneapolis. Hell, I'm the only guy from Minnesota here. bookcorner: Movie: Stand By Me CD: Good Mourning by the Alkaline Trio bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: *** Wed Oct 1 15:50:20 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.181 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Jeff Brechlin E_MAIL: Home_Town: Potomac Falls, VA E_mail: jbrechlin@aol.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Married, wife Donna (pregnant), sone Matthew, daughter Emma, yellow lab Abby. Plus a house full of fish, lizards, frogs, etc. Day_Job: Writer, stay-at-home dad SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: I've published professional and travel articles; mostly I've written dreary stuff for Massive Corporations. Finest_SI_Hour: A sonnet I wrote for the SI on the Hokey Pokey was recently published in a half-dozen magazines and periodicals (from literay mags to the "National Old Time Fiddlers Association" newsletter), turned into an English Madrigal, performed in concert, and pressed onto a CD, and featured at a Shakespeare Festival in Iowa. What_Else: After living a very macho 10 years with a backpack, during which I climbed mountains, sailed across oceans, made love to impossibly beautiful women on the banks of steamy tropical rivers, and hacked my way through the jungle like a much less attractive William Holden, I find myself living on a cul-de-sac as a stay-at-home-dad, and I was recently asked TO LEAD A BROWNIE TROOP! Help! I need an intervention! Where is my backpack? I can hear the theme song from "Indiana Jones" in the background, ever fainter... bookcorner: The 20 volume Aubrey/Maturin" books by Patrick O'Brian "Three Men in a Boat", Jerome K. Jerome "Lucky Jim", Kingsley Amis Anything by Joseph Conrad Anything by Elmore Leonard Anything by Jane Austen bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Oct 31 15:55:04 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.191 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Don Root E_MAIL: Home_Town: Sacramento, CA E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Living in sin, with a SO, a cat, and two stuffed moose (Meese?). Plus, I'm a Friend of Bill (the Cat, not that other Bill) and have a stuffed Opus collection. Day_Job: State Droid SI_Debut_Week: No ink yet Movie: Danny DeVito Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Finest_SI_Hour: I keep throwing mud at the wall, but none of it has stuck - yet. What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Nov 4 16:03:08 2003 Submitting Host: 10.10.17.196 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Maja Keech E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: papayamaja@hotmail.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: [remove text] Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: on Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: on Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: Details: [remove text] Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: [remove text] bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Jan 8 17:31:48 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.253 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: April Musser E_MAIL: Home_Town: Arlinigton, VA E_mail: aprilmusser@yahoo.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: I'm single, I'm an only child (spoiled), no kids, 1 spastic cat that I've had for 13 years. Day_Job: Engineer SI_Debut_Week: 501 Movie: Sara Gilbert - but she'll have to bleach her hair, I'm a blonde. But only someone with her sarcasm can ever play me! Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: So far my only claim to fame is being First runner up once upon a time. But I have aspirations to become a household name. Finest_SI_Hour: When my t-shirt came in the mail (today) I called everyone I know. Only about 3 of them read the invitational so the rest are currently researching padded cells for me. What_Else: I'm 25 and in that short amount of time, I've survived cancer, lived and worked in a firehouse full time as a firefighter/emt, lived on an oil platform, survived a head-on collision and in the 2 years I've worked for my current employer, I've taken 8 weeks of disability. bookcorner: 'A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genious' by Dave Eggers bookcorner_detail: I think I might have spelled his name wrong but I'm late for happy hour so I'll look it up later. ;-) PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Jan 22 15:21:17 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.254 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Tom McCudden E_MAIL: Home_Town: Durham, NC E_mail: tom.mccudden@law.duke.edu MYWEB: http://www.muskratnews.com Family_Unit: I have never had an illicit relationship with a dysfunctional pet Day_Job: None SI_Debut_Week: 531 Movie: Jenna Elfman, in heavy, heavy makeup Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Sent in suggestions. Won. Finest_SI_Hour: Winning two of the four contests in December '03 on my third and fourth weeks entering, respectively. Is this supposed to be this easy? What_Else: I'm eight feet tall, a pathological liar, have made love to every living former first lady, once orbited the Earth, and can secrete and spit cobra venom. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun Feb 8 02:00:43 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.251 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Scott Bostick E_MAIL: Home_Town: Lake Ridge, VA E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Interests include debauchery (college minor),illicit liaisons, T5 contrib, confrontations with morons in parking lots... the usual stuff Day_Job: Illustrator/Graphic Desgner SI_Debut_Week: Movie: I personally think Liam Neeson, but Jim Belushi would probably get it. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: on Prize_Donor: Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: Wrote some gags, got mentioned, the end Finest_SI_Hour: It was'nt an hour and I do'nt want to discuss it What_Else: Known for my incredibly loose moral standards. bookcorner: Velvet Underground-All of it Tom Wolfe-Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test Nabakov-Lolita Stones-Exile On Main Street Neil Young-After The Goldrush Bob Marley-Babylon by Bus New York Dolls- Too Much Too Soon Sex Pistols- Never Mind The Bollocks Patti Smith- Horses Jack Kerouac-On The Road bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Feb 10 01:34:47 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.250 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Scott Campisi E_MAIL: Home_Town: Wake Village, TX E_mail: scott@3n1.com MYWEB: http://evancampisi.com Family_Unit: Lovely, Adoring Wife: Deborah Intelligent, Yet Handsome Son: Evan Dog: Elizabeth Barrett, but we call her Lizzy. (Sheltie) Day_Job: Stock/Options Trader SI_Debut_Week: 506 Movie: Dave Zarrow: I really believe he can pull it off. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I haven't accomplished any of the greater Loser feats, but once I told a joke, and 3 people laughed (if you include me). Finest_SI_Hour: My finest SI hour was an unprintable acronym using LaToya Jackson's name in week 512 : "Like a tumor on your ass, Just abuses crack, keeps spewing out nastiness" I actually got an e-mail from the Auxilliary Czar, who was judging that contest, that said she liked it, but didn't know if the Post would print it. She said she'd see what she could do. Apparently she could do nothing. What_Else: I once was abducted by aliens. I believe they were Cuban. I can't give too many details, but it was the wildest 23 years of my life. bookcorner: 1. The Lady in the Lake --by Raymond Chandler 2. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle bookcorner_detail: 1. I like detective novels like this one by Chandler. 2. Great collection of short stories. PHOTO: URL PHOTOURL: http://evancampisi.com/index.php?page=viewpic&ID=50 *** Mon Feb 16 15:54:17 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.248 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Erika Reinfeld E_MAIL: Home_Town: Massachusetts, by way of Northern Virginia E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Living in sin, with an Inker on the way. My parents are so proud! Day_Job: Astronomy Educator SI_Debut_Week: 536 Movie: Compared to some of the geezers in this game, may as well be Dakota Fanning. Or perhaps Lisa Simpson. Claire Danes is about the right age, though. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I read this contest for years and years without ever entering. Oddly enough, I didn't get ink. But then one day, after many years at a prestigious and expensive finishing school (read: Seven Sisters college), I sent in a fart joke, and lo! there was ink. And it was good. Not that I, like, had my own personal dance party or anything, mind you. Especially not a dance party involving the song "Hit Me Baby, One More Time." Nope, never heard of such a thing. Run along now. Finest_SI_Hour: Week 541. I only sent in one entry, and it won. Hah! What_Else: Astronomy is not astrology. And when I say "geezers" I really mean "wise and respected maharishis." bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Mar 1 10:08:42 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.253 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Roy Ashley E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: roy.ashley@prudentialcarruthers.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Mar 4 16:50:47 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.250 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Ezra Deutsch-Feldman E_MAIL: Home_Town: (Bethesda, MD) E_mail: starwarsezra@aol.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: I have a mom and sister who laugh at everything and a dad who never laughs, except if he's watching C-SPAN Day_Job: Student SI_Debut_Week: 509 - Hallmark card poems Movie: Michael Richards ("Kramer" from Sienfeld) Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: I have gotten one honerable mention. It took about 6 months to get my Bumper sticker, and even then it was becuase the Empress sent it, not the Czar. I had an article about me in the KidsPost on August 9th, 2001, and I've had two letters in there, too. (One about the War in Iraq, one about Harry Potter) I have also written Finest_SI_Hour: That would have to be my HM, printed here in full: A miracle like this Bespeaks some real endurance, I'm thrilled to hear you saved Fifteen percent or more on car insurance. (Ezra Deutsch-Feldman, Bethesda) Ah, those were the days... What_Else: I also love Christopher Guest movies and John Kerry campaigns. bookcorner: LORD OF THE RINGS!!!!!!!!! Also 1984, by George Orwell, and Lies and the Lying Liars who Tell them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the right, by Al Franken bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sat Mar 6 13:39:45 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.253 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Scott Campisi E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: The guy that played Shaggy on Scooby Doo. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Mar 16 12:01:02 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.250 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Stephanie Cangin E_MAIL: Home_Town: Charlottesville, VA E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Two cats (Spades, the high strung one and Pembleton, the laid back one) and a sheepdog named Maisie who tortures the aforementioned cats for sport. Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Divine Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Wed Mar 17 16:24:14 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.249 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Bill Spencer E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: on Details: I broke in via suggesting a coupla contests, but for a long time my entries were uniformly snubbed, which only goes to show. Eventually my pituitary gland or something went out of adjustment which allowed me to figure out how to be an occasional resident of Honorable Mention-dom. With the recent regime change my hopes for escaping that fate continue to dim. Who sez there's no glass ceiling? I had a letter to the editor printed in the Baltimore Sun once (when I still lived in Maryland), dimly related to some pointless work I did in graduate school. If you can call it work. Finest_SI_Hour: My recent three-fer in the HM column. Big whoop. What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Thu Apr 1 22:58:51 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.253 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Helene Haduch E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: Corn dekerneler SI_Debut_Week: Movie: Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: on Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: on Post: Elsewhere: Details: Finest_SI_Hour: Well, most discouraging one the Czar didn't mention my pin-up greeting cards in his categorizing bribes in his Depravda interview. Finest, the Czar recognized me at the National Press Club Book Fair from the above-noted pin-ups. What_Else: bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Tue Apr 13 12:03:42 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.254 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: jessica ralston E_MAIL: Home_Town: Mount Pleasanat SC E_mail: swimgirlsc@aol.com MYWEB: Family_Unit: hey, im a big loser. i fart alll the time and have sweaty armpits! why do yall like being losers, theres nothing to be proud of. im fat and ugly and i dont have any friends. i think yall should just face the facts. Day_Job: janitor SI_Debut_Week: Movie: umm... anyone who is realllyyyyy reaaalllyyy hairy Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: on Details: Finest_SI_Hour: What_Else: im fat bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http://www.tubgirl.com *** Wed Apr 28 12:53:40 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.251 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Russell Beland E_MAIL: Home_Town: Springfiled, VA E_mail: notfor.you MYWEB: ha ha ha. Family_Unit: I have exactly the right number of wives, children, distant relatives, and... I have a dog. Day_Job: The Congress is currently considering legislation that would add three words to my job title. I swear. SI_Debut_Week: 73 Movie: No one will every know because my part will be credited as simply "second man with beard". Won_SI: on Uncle: on Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: on Top_5: Ear_Contributor: on Levey: Blind: on NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I get printed every now and then. Not as much as I'd like, but some. Finest_SI_Hour: I took nearly a year off. That was great. What_Else: I have O neg. blood, yet the Red Cross kept turning me down. I am left handed, yet super models kept turning me down. bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: DARE PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun Jun 20 10:50:03 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.248 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Kyle Hendrickson E_MAIL: Home_Town: Dunkirk, MD E_mail: enigmatickyle@yahoo.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: I love my girlfriend, Judy! Love her, love her, love her. We knew each other in Jr. High, but not that well. We dated briefly in college and parted company as friends. Then, 21 years later, I stalked her, via the Internet, and we plan to be married this July (2004)! Which is fortuitous, because we have a daughter on the way! Yep, I knocked her up? What, is that the wrong way to put it?This is my first child, but her fourth (we were both married and divorced during the 21 years we were apart.) Our daughters name is/will be Arden. Judy is the one who got my hooked on Style Invitational. Day_Job: Network Architect SI_Debut_Week: 527 Movie: Dennis Quaid will play me. However, I reserve the right to play myself for any scene where my character is expected to kiss Courteny Thorne-Smith or Halle Berry. Also, only John Stewart and Chris Rock are authorized to write my lines - even though I'm not anywhere close to being as funny as either of them. To add a touch of realism, Rowan Atkinson will perform all of my stunts. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: on Elsewhere: Details: A long, long, long time ago I worked for a computer company that used to advertise in the business section of the Post. Well, somehow, someone in the marketing department got the crazy idea that I possessed artistic ability. So, anyway, this marketing person thought it would be cool to add a splash of life to our ads by including some artwork related to the NFL teams that happened to be playing that week. Well, that week the Washington Readskins happened to be playing the Dallas Cowboys, so she asked me to draw an American Indian and a cowboy (Look, I'm not the one who had the idea, I was jsut the artist, so settle down.) Anyway, I did as requested and they ran the ad. And, so ended my illustrious career as a professional illustrator. Well, you did ask if I'd been published in the Washington Post. Doesn't that count? I guess not. Finest_SI_Hour: I received ink 3 times for Week 557 ( Oh, for name's sake: What_Else: I tend to fart after having Mexican. Don't worry, they NEVER smell. Oh, and I despise sophmoric humor. bookcorner: Mental Fitness Puzzles: A Lateral Thinking Approach (Kyle Hendrickson, et al) bookcorner_detail: I co-authored ISBN: 0806908998 (a.k.a., Mental Fitness Puzzles: A Lateral Thinking Approach), with my brother, sister and her future husband. This book, available on Amazon and sometimes even seen gracing the shelves of an honest-to-goodness bookstore, is comprised of 100% original lateral thinking (i.e., thinking outside-the-box) puzzles. If you're like me, you'll want to have several copies on hand: one for each bathroom, one for your nightstand, one for you long commute to work. So, don't delay, operators are standing by. Order by midnight tonight, and receive a free packing list! Batteries not included. Offer not valid in Nebraska and parts of Puerto Rico. Check the Internet for more details. Please ignore Amazon's link that shows "20 used & new from $0.88". Remember, these previously owned copies were once in other people's bathrooms. Ewww! PHOTO: WILL_SEND PHOTOURL: http:// *** Fri Jul 9 09:39:55 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.247 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Jon Reiser E_MAIL: Home_Town: Hilton, NY E_mail: MYWEB: Family_Unit: Day_Job: Software Engineer SI_Debut_Week: 549 Movie: Bruce Willis, for the resemblance. But I don't want one of these wussy "let's talk things out" characters - I want Bruce at his assault rifle-carrying, kill-everything-that-moves best. Won_SI: Uncle: Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: Won a t-shirt and a bunch of magnets so far. Have a contest idea that should appear later this year. Finest_SI_Hour: After trying (in vain) for several weeks, I finally scored ink (twice) on "What Kind of Foal Am I?". Since then, I have earned at least an honorable mention in nearly every week that I have submitted an entry. What_Else: I live on the outskirts of Rochester, NY. On those rare moments when you think of Rochester, you probably think of film, and I work for the company that proudly makes their one-time use cameras in America - and they come in a GREEN box, not a gold one! (Have you ever read the labels?) I am a former professional miniature golfer. (Really!) I won several regional tournaments, and I once finished in 3rd place in a national event. bookcorner: "Blazing Saddles" "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", Douglas Adams bookcorner_detail: The greatest comedy works of all time. PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Sun Aug 1 13:22:44 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.252 NEW_USED: NEW Loser: Eric Murphy E_MAIL: Home_Town: Chicago E_mail: ermsmurf@yahoo.com MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: 1 girlfriend, having recieved her first ink today in my contest suggestion. (will update one way or the other) Day_Job: Student, loafer, Iron Chef SI_Debut_Week: 557 Movie: I would say Rod Lowe would be breaking down the door to play me. Also, my mom thinks I am a dead ringer for Micheal Dirda (can he act?) Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: on Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I won the second contest I entered, which pretty much guaranteed my addiction to everything style inivtational. The contest was to suggest a slogan for a business, the winner was: Sunshine veggie burgers and dogs: you'll never know you aren't eating a dead animal. As for the contest suggestion, I suggested ways to explain sharing an apartment to my girlfriend's grandparents, ways not to propose to said girlfriend, and things not to say in our possible wedding vows. What I found with this suggestion is that the Post makes a great place to keep up with people without talking to them. Finest_SI_Hour: The time I won the secret contest where first place won learning the true identity of "deep throat." (you would never have guessed it) What_Else: I once epoxyed a battle scene to the hood of my car depicting army men vs. dinosaurs. It took up the entire hood and (I hope) served as a fitting tribute to an often overlooked era of American history. If you frequented McLean in 2000, you may have seen it. Why did I do it? Because the car was a Honda Accord, and when I first got it, I could never find it in a parking lot. Problem Solved. bookcorner: Italo Calvino-If on a winter's night a traveler; Cosmicomics bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// *** Mon Aug 2 13:48:12 2004 Submitting Host: 10.124.207.248 NEW_USED: USED Loser: Mark Young E_MAIL: Home_Town: E_mail: MYWEB: http:// Family_Unit: Day_Job: Statistician. Actually, my day job is sending posts to the Losernet e-mail list, but the stats thing is a good cover. SI_Debut_Week: Movie: A girl once told me I looked like Rick Moranis. I'm not sure if that's a positive or a negative. Won_SI: on Uncle: Suggested: Globe: Prize_Donor: Top_5: Ear_Contributor: Levey: Blind: NY_Mag: Post: Elsewhere: Details: I have three wins, two runners-up, and some number of honorable mentions which is greater than my age and less than my height in nanometers. Finest_SI_Hour: Taking first runner-up in the contest for imitating Rodney Dangerfield. Said contest was judged by Rodney himself. What_Else: I'm 27, single, and an avid player of poker and chess. When I finally met Gene Weingarten in person, he was shocked at how young I was; he said he expected someone 20 years older. Again I ask: is that a positive or a negative? bookcorner: bookcorner_detail: PHOTO: UGLY PHOTOURL: http:// ***