Rotisserie Commissar: Dave Ferry


Four score and seven months ago, our founding Czar set out, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Article I

What the heck are we doing here, anyway?

The object of Loser Rotisserie is to assemble a team of 8 Losers, whose statistics in a given week exceed those of another team of Losers for that given week. Beat your opponent. Repeat as necessary.

Article II

OK, so who are these Losers, and how do I acquire them?

A team's roster consists of 8 Losers, with the following demographic requirements:

In order to preserve the historical traditions as long as possible (in this ever-crumbling world, tradition is everything), each team must have at least 1 Loser who debuted in each of the years 1, 2, 3 and 4. In addition, each team must have at least one female Loser.

Loser's salaries are equal to the number of points he/she earned in the previous year in rubles.

A list of salaries, along with debut year, gender, and location is available from Elden Carnahan, Esteemed League Statistician for Life.

Teams may not spend more than 110 rubles on salary. A team need not spend the maximum.

Losers will be selected in a rotation draft. Specifics of the draft may change from year to year, but will be decided upon well in advance of the draft itself.

Undrafted losers go to the collective farms. (See Article IV)

Article II-A

What about me? Can somebody else draft me?

No. Each team owner automatically has him- or herself on the roster. Further, each Owner/Loser counts against both the demographic requirements and the salary cap.

Article III

So how do I win?

The scoring system is as follows:

If one of your Losers is:You get:
idea suggester or prize donor25
mentioned in print by the Czar20 per occurrence
1st runner-up19
2nd runner-up18
3rd runner-up17
4th runner-up16
5th runner-up15
6th runner-up14
any other runner-up13 each
And Last12
First listed H.M.11
Any other H.M.10 each

There will be a home team for each game, and in case of a tie, the home team always wins. (You know, favorable calls by the ump, etc.)

Each team plays a different team each week of the regular season. Win-loss standings will be maintained, and the 1997 Champion will be determined in an end-of-season single-elimination playoff format, culminating with Loser Bowl II.

The Commissar is well aware that this system is not consistent with other "Rotisserie" leagues. He prefers the scansion (and connotation) of "Loser Rotisserie" to "Fantasy Loser."

Article IV

Wait, I drafted this guy, and he stinks. Can I dump him?

Yes. An owner may purge a Loser at any time and for any reason. Each purge must be accompanied by a concomitant rehabilitation of a Loser from the collective farm. At all times, the demographic requirements and salary cap must be maintained. Thus, if an owner wishes to purge the team's only Siberian, another Siberian must be rehabilitated.

The salary of a rehabilitated loser is calculated as follows:

Before the halfway point in the regular season:
Salary is equal to the previous year's point total in rubles.

After the halfway point in the regular season:
Salary is equal to the number of points acquired in the present year-to-date or half of the previous year's total; whichever is higher, in rubles.

At no time may an owner remove him- or herself from the roster by any means (trade, midnight purge, etc.)

Trades are allowed between teams, as long as roster requirements remain intact.

No transactions, of any kind, may be made in the last four weeks of the season.

All transactions must be communicated to the Commissar by 5:00 pm on Tuesday to be effective for the SI of the following Sunday.

Thus, if the F2 of a given week suggests a particular Loser to you, then you should wait to pick up that Loser 9 days later. (But, you run the risk of some other owner picking up that Loser on the following Tuesday ... .)

If two or more owners wish to rehabilitate the same Loser, that Loser goes to the owner with the lowest W-L record. In case of ties, total points is the first tie-breaker, head-to-head the second, and coin toss the third.

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