The fabulous contest that invites you personally,
[your name here], to

(Actually, it's the fabulous contest that invites you to
but that didn't sound quite as catchy.)

What's the Point? | The Rules | How to Enter | Prizes! | Disclaimer

The Object is to come up with names for one or more of the kitties pictured below. These kitties are feral cats, which means that they were born in the wild; just like wolves or bears or squirrels. They are no different from typical house cats except that they are unfriendly and aloof.......Well, all right, maybe they're really no different at all. As well as being untame, they are extremely prolific and have created a large feral cat population here at NTK! Headquarters. Whenever possible, we catch some of these cats and get them spayed or neutered (whichever is appropriate under the circumstances). Of course, the first question that you are asked when you bring an angry, yowling, hissing, spitting, semi-wild animal in to the vet is, "Aw, what a cutie. What's its name?" Which is where you come in. We need you to


KITTY #1 Kitty #1 is a short-haired calico with a white left hind paw. She is the mother of six kittens (two litters of three -- each litter had two males and one female), and has adopted her mother's habit of bringing locusts to her kittens.

Kitty #2 is also a short- haired calico with a white left hind paw. She is the mother of three male kittens and also brings locusts to her kittens, though she's probably imitating her older sister rather than her mother. KITTY #2

KITTY #3 Kitty #3 is a short-haired calico. Both of her left paws are white. She is the mother of four or five kittens -- most likely four, but we don't know for sure. She was smart enough to have her kittens in the same place in which her mother had given birth a week or so earlier. They raised both litters (9 in all) together, with help from Kitty #4.

Kitty #4 is a long-haired calico with a white right front paw. She is the niece of Kitties # 1, 2, and 3 and was an 'only' kitten. She had kittens of her own, but apparently none survived. She helped care for the combined litters of Kitty #3 and her mother, and later adopted a scraggly little kitten who mysteriously appeared here at NTK! Headquarters one morning. KITTY #4

The Rules: Duh, NAME THAT KITTY! (Sorry, we'll try to stop that.) You may enter as many kitty names as you wish, but we must warn you that our eyes will glaze over and we will become woozy after reading more than, say 25 or 30. It is not necessary to explain your entries, but you are welcome to do so. Entries will be judged by a highly trained expert panel of whoever happens to be around at the time. Entries will be judged on the basis of the arbitrary whims and preferences of our expert panel. Humor and wit do not necessarily count for anything. Clever literary or historical allusions may fly right over our heads. Any smutty or pornographic material will be duly ignored and sent on to a place where such prurient adolescent tripe is appreciated -- The White House.

To Enter: Please send your proposed kitty names along with your name, e-mail address, home address, telephone number, fax number, pager number, business number, major credit card number, date and place of birth, height, weight, hair color, favorite TV show, favorite color, most admired 18th Century composer, and $8.43 in plain unmarked bills to Name That Kitty!*

*Actually, we only need your name, your kitty names and your e-mail address.

Entries must be received by Thursday, September 23, 1998 -- the first day of fall, unless of course we haven't gotten four entries by then, in which case the contest will be extended until such time as we do. Results will presumably be announced at some point after that.

The Prizes: : Beanie Babies! Yes, if you successfully name one of our kitties you will receive a genuine, highly collectible, soon to be discontinued Beanie Baby chosen especially for you from whatever happens to be at the store that day. If you have a specific Beanie Baby that you would like in the event that you win, please include that with your kitty names. But we're not making any promises.

Fun Beanie Baby Activity:
We know what you're thinking. How can there be any fun Beanie Baby activities now that Ty Inc. has announced their imminent demise? We here at NTK! feel your pain, but urge you to take heart. There is every possibility that, after retiring all of the current Beanie Babies, Ty will release a whole new set of them at the beginning of next year. And that's the hopeful assumption behind NTK!'s super-fun Beanie participation activity. It's a simple and enjoyable way to pass some of those anxious hours between now and the end of the year. All that you have to do is call your local Beanie Baby retailer, visit Beanie Baby chat rooms, and/or write to your congressperson and suggest that the following non-existent Beanies are going to be released on January 1, 2000, as part of Ty's brand new line of Beanie Babies. Ask if anyone has pictures of these new Beanies yet, or if any stores will be receiving advance shipments. The object is to create a Beanie frenzy. Ideally, the company's response will be to actually make these Beanie Babies (as opposed to getting a restraining order against us), and you will have the great pleasure of knowing that you helped bring joy and wonder to millions of people the whole world over, while at the same time bending a corporate giant to your will.

Non-existent Beanie Babies to request:

Isis the Ibis
Louie the Loon
Mort the Possum
Nick the Tasmanian Devil
Oscar the Grouse
Twinkle the Starfish

Of course, if Ty really does discontinue Beanie Babies, all of this will have been for naught, and our lives will cease to have any meaning. But for now, we will keep our quivering little chin up and hope for the best.

Disclaimer: NTK! is not in any way affiliated with or endorsed by the following:

The Washington Post; The New York Post; Emily Post; Ty Inc.;; Yahoo; Yoo Hoo; Coca Cola; Pepsi; Pepe Le Pew; Ronald McDonald; Old McDonald, his farm, and any animals thereon; Siegfried and/or Roy; General Electric; Captain Kangaroo; Star Wars; Star Trek; Star Search; Star Light, Star Bright, First Star I See Tonight; the SPCA; the UN; UFOs; NAFTA: and the Office of Independent Counsel.

NTK! also categorically and emphatically denies that it has ever had an inappropriate relationship with any of the aforementioned persons or entities in at least the past 25 years.

Employees of The Washington Post are eligible for prizes, and will be pleased to know that if they win, their prizes will be delivered to them with the same efficiency and alacrity that their own paper employs in such matters. In other words, don't hold your breath.

NTK! is eternally grateful to the Montgomery County SPCA for finding homes for a whole slew of kittens and for their low-cost spay and neuter program, and encourages all animal lovers (in the purely non-Biblical sense of the term) to support their local SPCA and other no-kill animal shelters.

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