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Ears No One Reads

yEar 4

 

Week 156:

Copy This/Send to Six Friends/Don't Break the Chain
(3/10/96. [Attributed to Russell Beland, Springfield but was actually Jonathan Paul's; see April 14.] The Faerie of the Fine Print & The Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Joseph Romm of Washington for last week's ear. )

Week 157:

Cut Eye Holes For Use as Camouflage Device
(3/17/96 Russ Beland, Springfield)

Week 158:

As Unbiased as the Next Pinko Rag
(3/24/96 Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Week 159:

3/31/96 We Would Like to Apologize for Last Week's Ear
(Joseph Romm, Washington. [Also used 11/26/95!])

Week 160:

There's Nothing to See Here, Please Move Along
(4/7/96 Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Week 161:

New 100 Percent Manifesto-Free
(4/14/96 no credit. [A long message here, admitting to some recent errors and noting that entrants seemed hesitant to point out mistakes, as if they feared being slammed in print, which was, of course, ridiculous.] The somewhat predictable Ear No One Reads about chain letters was by Jonathan Paul, not Russell Beland, whose work tends to be far more creative.)

Week 162:

Best When Read Left to Right
(4/21/96 Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Week 163:

Banana
(4/28/96 no credit)

Week 164:

It's Not Very Good This Week
(5/5/96 Don Cooper, Burke. We also wish to respond to the many people who called and wrote to say they did not understand last week's Ear: We're sorry but we cannot hear you.)

Week 165:

This is the First Page of the Rest of Your Newspaper
(5/12/96 Russ Beland, Springfield. [Note: see also Feb. 19, 1995])

Week 166:

Next Week: Sunday, May 26, 1996
(5/19/96 Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Week 167:

For A Transcript Of This Paper, Buy Another Copy
(5/26/96 Russ Beland, Springfield)

Week 168:

Do Not Read While Operating Aircraft
(6/2/96 Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Week 169:

Keep Looking. This Is The Eye No One Hears
(6/9/96 Dan Royer, Alexandria)

Week 170:

This Page Approved For Sequestered Jurors
(6/16/96 Russ Beland, Springfield)

Week 171:

If Anyone Asks, Claim You Get This Joke
(6/23/96 Russ Beland, Springfield. To the many people who have been writing imploring us to tell them what The Ear No One Reads is, we say: It's right across from the R No One Notices.)

Week 172:

'Why Am I At The Bottom?' (upside down)
(6/30/96 Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Week 173:

Caution: Filling Is Hot
(7/7/96 Linda Perlstein, Washington)

Week 174:

Emergency Filter for D.C. Tap Water
(7/14/96 Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Week 175:

The Only Thing About This Paper On The Far Right
(7/21/96 Robin D. Grove, Baltimore)

Week 176:

Didn't Even Consider Becoming An Official Sponsor Of The 1996 Olympics
(7/28/96 Bob Sorensen, Herndon )

Week 177:

Classified/Sophisticated Bathroom Humor
(8/4/96 no credit)

Week 178:

Nice Bathrobe
(8/11/96 Bob Sorensen)

Week 179:

Contains No Subliminal Subscribe Messages
(8/18/96 David Genser, Vienna)

Week 180:

Fishing/Weather/Oops, Wrong Section
(8/25/96 Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Week 181:

Cool "Disco" Dan
([graffiti drawing] 9/1/96 no credit)

Week 182:

Published For You By A Large, Uncaring Conglomerate
(9/8/96 Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Week 183:

No Puns Here, Nope, Not Hear
(9/15/96 Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Week 184:

As Featured In Time Magazine
(9/22/96 no credit)

Week 185:

Hey, Einstein, You Read the Comics First, Didn't You?
(9/29/96 Bob Sorensen, Herndon)

Week 186:

Nope, Dilbert's Not Here, Either
(10/6/96 David Genser [compare with 11/12/95])

Week 187:

Whoever Is Writing These, PLEASE CUT IT OUT
(10/13/96 Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Week 188:

Disgruntled Journalists Local 137
(10/20/96 Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Week 189:

Combining The Worst Of Arts And Outlook
(10/27/96 Robert Howard, Arlington)

Week 190:

Average Number Of Pages: 8. Your Pages May Vary
(11/3/96 Russ Beland)

Week 191:

Kids! Go Wake Daddy Right Away!
(11/10/96 David Genser)

Week 192:

Bet You Can't Remember What Used To Be Up Here
(11/17/96 Jonathan Paul)

Week 193:

I Might Have To Stop This. They're Closing In On Me
(11/24/96 David Genser)

Week 194:

'Silly Putty Test Area' (printed backwards)
(12/1/96 Jonathan Paul)

Week 195:

If Not Fully Satisfied, Read The Metro Section Twice
(12/8/96 David Genser)

Week 196:

Date Expires At Midnight
(12/15/96 Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Week 197:

www.washingtonpost.com's Bathroom Edition
(12/22/96 Al Dyson, DC)

Week 198:

It's Addictive, Isn't It?
(12/29/96 Don Cooper, Burke)

Week 199:

Monkeys Typing Randomlyqz
(1/5/97 David Genser, Vienna)

Week 200:

Building A Bridge Column To The 21st Century
(1/12/97 Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Week 201:

Today's Ear Will Appear Next Week
(1/19/97 Russ Beland)

Week 202:

Whs Th Wsgy Wh Tk My Vwls?
(1/26/97 Jean Sorensen)

Week 203:

Even If You Get The Post, You May Not Get This
(2/2/97 Hank Wallace)

Week 204:

This Is Nothing. You Should See What We Hid In Outlook
(2/9/97 David Genser)

Week 205:

Scratch Here To Win Prize. Now Rub Your Elbow. Now Dance.
(2/16/97 David Genser)

Week 206:

Page Numbers For Reference Only. No Intrinsic Value Implied.
(2/23/97 Elden Carnahan)

Week 207:

Warning: You Are Close To The Edge
(3/2/97 Tom Witte)
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